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Dear Amy:My 26-year-old grandson "monkey" (and roommate) lost everything in a fire earlier this year. .. I contacted through Facebook to lament their loss, and many of my friends responded by generously donating money.
A (quite substantive) check was done to me. They instructed me to handle it the way I think it is best.
I contacted Sal and asked how to get this money. The reaction was to receive it from her parents in the future and share it with her roommates.
I know this young adult is currently in dire financial hardship, so I knew that monkeys could probably spend money sooner rather than later. Said something about. The answer from
Sal is: I'm so busy with this gig that I can't help setting up Venmo. If you can cash the check and give it to your parents, you will receive it from your parents within a few weeks.
I'm sorry to be offended and (ironically) answered that I can guarantee that Sal will never happen again.
The monkey replied, "Thank you." (Obviously, the irony passed over them.)
I really don't know what to do. I'm angry with the sly, self-absorbing reaction. By rudeness to everyone, especially to my grandmother.
I put money in my savings account.
I admit that I am very angry. Despite I sent their email address to insult the injury, the monkeys have never written a thank-you email to any of my friends who donated to these funds.
Please give me some guidance here. I'm torn between my family's obligations and providing this young person with unforgettable lessons.
– Offended Gran
Dear Gran:You can play in two ways: Please contact us directly for money.
The second response is to compose an email with short, warm language (ironically). adult. This is not one of them. You have experienced many things, but it can be important to remember to treat others as you would like to be treated throughout your life. This is one of them. My friend and I got together and answered the need. If you find out how to respond with gratitude to this generosity, we will gladly send you these funds. We would also appreciate if you could donate (with the permission of a friend) to the fire brigade in your town. you decide. I always love you, Gran. PS: I understand how to use Venmo. (It's easy.)
Dear Amy:I'm a well-educated woman and recently retired from a good profession.
After retirement, I was trained in another area of horticulture.
My husband, trained in mechanical problems, ignores the information and advice I provide to help "his" plants.
Why I can give advice to hundreds of gardeners a month, but I can't give advice to my spouse.
– Devoted Master Gardener
Dear Devoted:Why can you give welcome and gratitude advice to hundreds of gardeners each month? Because I'm not married to them.
Also, I think the gardening advice you give to strangers is sought in terms of these other people subscribing, adjusting, or finding you.
On my computer, there is a sticky note that says "All one-sided advice is self-serving." It will help you and make you feel better. It also speaks to your well-gained expertise. However, in many cases, people primarily spotlight their challenges and receive unilateral advice, which they take as implicit criticism.
If your husband asks for your help or advice, she should provide it. If he doesn't ask, you will have to tolerate your own immense discomfort of seeing his mistakes wither on the vine.
Many learn best by doing and stubbornly making their mistakes. Gardening belongs to a unique category (in my opinion) of learning as you grow up. This is because novice gardener's blunders appear painfully slowly and can often only be corrected in the next season.
Dear Amy:There are two tips for all possible parents to reach out to you for advice: tough love.
– Robert
Dear Robert:Love doesn't have to be tough, but people create rational boundaries and let their loved ones learn. Sometimes it may look like that from enduring their own struggle.
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