Ask Amy: I can't put my estranged family in words

Dear Amy: I am no longer in contact with my family. Honestly, it's a relief.

My family is pretty dysfunctional. One of my therapists (I have had several over the years) said my family was the worst she had known among her patients. Some things that happened, if anyone knew, would have merited child services intervention. Monster.

Neither my sister nor I qualify as monsters, but we never got along.

I hate her bin full of trash and the way she makes fun of others.

She thinks I'm a critical, arrogant idiot. (I don't blame her.)

months ago, my partner witnessed a horrifying scene involving my mother and her husband's malicious behavior.

My partner said he'd heard and witnessed quite a lot over the years, but it's gotten to the point where he can't stand in front of them anymore.

He is calm and patient. I knew he was done. After

episodes, her sister (who was absent) stopped responding to my attempts to contact her.

I have decided to have nothing more to do with them.

I don't know what my sister said, but it doesn't matter anymore.

Amy, you are free. My body is getting lighter with each passing month. I'm sure it would be best for me to never contact them again.

My problem is that I don't know what to say when someone who doesn't know we are estranged asks me how I am. What should I say if people ask about our estrangement?

So far I have said lightly, without any drama, that I don't want to talk about them.

Any better suggestions?

– Fancy Free

Dear Fancy Free: Congratulations on your release. Your family of origin seems to pose a real danger to your own mental and emotional health.

How to explain this estrangement to others caring so much means you are still working on your choices.

You don't have to explain or explain your situation. When asked about his family, he said, "I haven't seen you in a while. To be honest, I don't know how they are."

If people dig into why: can say to that's all. But you should get in touch with them. They must want to hear from you. "

Dear Amy: I was diagnosed with cancer six months before her. I am in treatment.

Many people know this. (Not much is known about his recent struggle with COVID and his slow recovery.) During the

pandemic, I lost my job, but during this time, several Friends, relatives and former colleagues never said a word to me. time.

Some were supportive at first, but the last few months have been very quiet.

May I express my hurt, especially to family members I have heard of in the past? I'm really fed up at this point.

– sick and tired

dear sick: it is always a problem to express how you feel unless you have specific expectations of how the other person will respond There is none.

But before you express your disgust or disappointment, you can ask what you want. Can you take me to chemotherapy next week?

The American Cancer Society (cancer.org) has a database of support groups.

Others going through this can sympathize and offer emotional support and advice.

Dear Naru Amy: The "mother of the groom" says she wants to be a good mother-in-law while criticizing all the choices her son's fiancée has made. their wedding.

She should follow my mother-in-law's advice.

In the last 45 years my girlfriend MIL has never criticized or commented on anything.

Her position is that she has enough to worry about without taking over my or my wife's belongings. Trust me, Amy, I gave her a lot to complain about.

We just celebrated her MIL's 85th birthday is. I toasted her by saying that she has the kindness and wisdom to allow her wife and I to get our way.

To the Mother of the Groom: It is not your wedding. So let the woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with your son have her wedding the way she wants it.

– Grateful Son-in-law

Dear Thanks: This is a moving tribute to a very wise mother-in-law.