Ask Amy: Giving a gift causes problems and is difficult to open

Dear Amy:I grew up in a religion that doesn't celebrate birthdays and most holidays.

In my early twenties, I left that religion and am no longer practicing any religion.

As a kid, I wanted to celebrate Halloween and Christmas, but my family made up for it in other ways. We went on vacation and had lots of toys and gifts.

My problem is the overkill that I see on holidays and birthdays. When I celebrate these with my family, I see the children tearing the gift after the gift, without even looking at each one.

I have 14 nieces and nephews, so it's very expensive.

Besides Christmas, there is a never-ending cycle of holidays to buy. I'm tired.

It seems like a waste of money to give people something they don't like.

Do you feel the same if you have your own children? Part of the problem is the lack of childhood memories that make these occasions special.

I look like a scrooge, so I can't stop buying gifts, but seriously, our culture goes beyond materialism. Besides, after buying for others, I feel like I don't have the money for myself.

My husband grew up in a family that participated in all of this, so there is no option not to participate.

I enjoy celebrating weddings, graduations, baby showers and anniversaries – an event that is a true milestone.

How can I put all of this in a perspective that doesn't offend me so much?

– Used Aunt

Dear Used:All events that seem to be rated as important milestones are enjoyed by adults It's an event.

Events that you don't think are of value at the same level are events that kids generally enjoy and that families haven't celebrated.

It is recommended that birthdays are actually a very important milestone event for children, not necessarily for gifts, but for recognition.

A birthday literally celebrates the existence of a person.

Given your background, your ambivalence to gifts is completely understandable. I agree that many families have no control over gifts and receipts.

So – don't do it.

You can try to be a fun aunt who takes all the kids to ice skating the day after Christmas. You can mail a birthday card with a "coupon" to your niece and nephew for hiking or biking.

In addition, if your husband is interested in giving gifts or gifts and you are not, let him handle it. This is part of his family's culture, and if he wants to continue, he must find a way to deal with it.

Dear Amy:My husband and I cannot reach an agreement on childcare when the child is ill.

We are both teachers and can take over sick leave.

My husband thinks we should be replaced. This makes sense at first, but in the course of three pregnancies and childbirth, I used more than 100 days of sick leave.

I have slowly increased my sick leave with the goal of saving 6 months of sick leave. If you have a disability, it will take some time for you to get sick until the disability insurance starts, so I want 6 months.

My husband saved nearly 300 days of sick leave. I have about 50 days.

I'm grateful for 50 days, but not close to 6 months.

I still take time off to take care of sick children, but most of the time I think it should be my husband.

We are both enthusiastic teachers and don't like to be absent from school. We also love children.

No consensus can be reached on this issue. I need to put it in a cave and plan in turn.

– illness

Dear illness:In the way you explain this, it is most logical for your husband to take on most of the illness so far. Seems to be the target You two reach a basic equilibrium regarding illness at the bank.

Dear Amy:Thank you for the correct response to the "Mama Bear" whose abusive source was the subject of a detention order. Now her ex-mother was reaching out to her grandchildren.

Thank you for understanding that your family may intentionally violate a binding order in order to avoid an order.

– I was there

Dear I was there:As I wrote in my reply, "Mama Bear" is a gatekeeper.