Ask Amy: Troubled teen stealing is the final straw

Dear Amy: Our teenage daughter has been torturing us in many ways and recently stole our money. Caught. She stole $20 from my dad's wallet and $5 from mine.

We confront her with her affection, set her limits, give her results, wipe her tears with her hugs and much love. I was.

That night I stuck a card under the door saying how much I loved her. I felt really great about how we handled the crisis, except she returned to my wallet the next day and stole all the rest of my money.

Now I realize I can't even look at her. I feel betrayed. How do you move forward when you can't trust your child?

She is on antidepressants and is under psychiatric care. She was in therapy, but she doesn't want to go anymore.

She cut her own body, smoked marijuana, smoked e-cigarettes, shoplifted, sexted, climbed out a second story window, and had tattoos. I found it hanging.

Until now, I thought it was her teenage over-judgment. It's something you'll laugh at someday.

But I'm used to it. Honestly, stealing from us right after the confrontation really pushed me to the limit. She also admitted that - in both cases.

By the way, we are going to lock our wallets from now on. Ha.

Any advice?

– Anxious Parents

Dear Anxiety: It is recommended to strengthen the way you love your daughter while strengthening your spine.

Some of her behavior falls into the category of "self-harm". Parents should consult with her therapist or psychiatrist to determine if intensive care or home care is needed. A neuropsychological evaluation may be helpful.

You should also find yourself an experienced family system her therapist.

Your daughter's behavior and rebellion may literally be her way of asking for help. So instead of feeling personally betrayed when she defies you so quickly after hugging, she needs to heed the warnings firmly and lovingly.

You don't mention how it influences her behavior, but one consequence is that whether she wants to or not, You should attend her sessions in therapy. She can't be in charge of herself right now, so you'll have to step up and take charge of her. , may be abusing drugs or alcohol.

She may be reacting or reacting to a trauma in her own life that you don't know about.

My overall point is that in my opinion this is not your usual teenage antics of hers to laugh about later. At this point, you are fighting to protect her future.

Let her not fight her, but fight for her.

Dear Amy: I recently met an old friend of hers whom I hadn't seen in 25 years.

As we were discussing children, he showed me a picture of her 19-year-old daughter, whom I had never met.

I didn't ask you to see the picture. If she had been a little child or baby, I would have responded by saying how adorable she was, but otherwise I am reluctant to comment on a person's appearance.

She looks like him I didn't think so, so I didn't say anything like that.

It would have been strange to answer that she seemed smart or talented.

What is the acceptable response when shown someone's unsolicited photo?

I would have gladly lied if there was a lie in the holster, but she had none.

– Awkward

Awkward Dear: Your tone is that an old friend of yours showed a picture of his daughter and somehow disrespectfully put you on the spot. implying that they were driven away.

You can easily dodge comments about a person's appearance by asking, "Well, where was this taken?" "What is she doing?" etc.

Or you can use the photo to get back to the two of her.

Dear Amy: A question from a "loving but sad girl" bothered me.

She was upset because her mother (her father's first wife) was not listed in her father's obituary.

Her ex-spouse is no longer part of her family. They shouldn't put it in Obit.

– I am Ex

Dear Ex: ``Sad Daughter'', by omitting any mention of his father's first marriage, had a will that: I disputed the fact that it states that She was her stepmother's daughter.