Brownstein: Paperman funeral director finds emotional balance with toy drives

By day and by night, Ross Paperman is a funeral director, the fourth generation of his family’s Paperman & Sons on Jean-Talon St. W.  Needless to say, the work can be grim. 

But more grim yet, Paperman notes, is when the funeral is that of a child.  

Seven years ago, Paperman felt the need to give back to disadvantaged, disabled and special-needs kids in a manner that could also offer him some emotional release. On a whim, he dropped into the Toys “R” Us location on Décarie Blvd. and asked if he could bring 100 kids from Sun Youth and the Starlight Foundation on a Sunday after the store closed, to buy them Christmas presents — on his own dime.  

Toys “R” Us agreed, and what began as a one-stop operation continued the same way for another four years, impeded by the COVID-19 pandemic at times — with Paperman bringing 350 children with their families to the store and financing it by himself. It was his own private event and he wished to remain anonymous. 

That changed last year, as it morphed into a publicly funded cross-country endeavour, Herbs Secret Santa (named for Paperman’s late father). It was overseen by Ross and took place at 10 Toys “R” Us locations throughout Canada.  

“I wanted to reach out to more people, which is what I felt my father would have wanted me to do,” says Paperman, 63, who is married and the father of two children. “My father’s mission in life was to make the world a better place. He didn’t give to live; he lived to give.” 

This year’s event is Sunday night at 10 Toys “R” Us stores, including one in the Anjou borough. Paperman will preside at the Décarie Blvd. outlet, providing $50 gift cards for 350 Sun Youth and Starlight foundation children. More than 1,300 kids will be served Sunday. Another 800 who are immobile, too sick or live in outlying rural areas will also be gift-card recipients. Apart from the Sun Youth representation at the Décarie location, the children attending the other nine Toys “R” Us events will come through the Starlight Foundation. 

Paperman helped raise $150,000 for the cause last year and has brought in another $72,000 for this year’s event. 

“This is all about the circle of life,” Paperman says. “Even though I deal with some of the most unimaginably tragic moments in life, it comes full circle by bringing some joy to those who so desperately need a little sunshine in their lives now and, let’s not forget, some respite for their families.”
To enhance the festive mood, Paperman brings along some Santas, costumed Star Wars and other superhero figures and giant stuffed animals as well as hairdressers and stylists for the kids. 

“This started out of the blue seven years ago. I was driving home and just felt the need to do something. And I’ve never felt better doing anything like this before in my life. It’s like I’m walking on air afterwards,” says Paperman, who also credits the Toys “R” Us staff and events planner Marsha Brumer.

“But yet, I have to realize that for some of these kids, it’s the last event that they may ever go to. You can’t help but be moved by the entire situation, and anyone who gets involved has invariably spent much of the night crying. It is so heartwarming. This is really my gift to myself.” 

The connection with children is also special because Paperman had been volunteering to teach art therapy through the English Montreal School Board for many years.  

“There’s little better to get back than the reactions of children to something as simple as a cartoon. A child’s smile is priceless. Nothing comes close,” adds Paperman, an accomplished illustrator as well.  

Paperman is also much in demand as a volunteer auctioneer, having helped raise millions through charity fundraisers for everything from the Cedars Cancer Centre to the SPCA to the Just for Kids Foundation. 

“It’s so hard to put into words the emotional impact this work brings me,” Paperman says. “It’s another side of me. But both sides are so equally important. 

“I remember seeing my dad cry at funerals. I didn’t understand that until I started doing funerals. If you want to truly change peoples’ lives when dealing with death, then you have to help by trying to take their pain away and sometimes in sharing their pain. I really do feel fortunate that life has given me the opportunity to do this. Nothing can ever beat trying to help others.” 

For information about the Toys “R” Us events, go to herbssecretsanta.com.

bbrownstein@postmedia.com

twitter.com/billbrownstein 

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