I don't feel I'm masking too much

Psst … hey.

It’s me, your mask. I’m here in between the cushions of your couch. Or maybe I’m under the bed. It’s difficult to tell, it’s so dark.

I just want to know what happened. Where did our love go?

I know we got off to a rocky start when we first met in the spring of 2020. At first, you didn’t know if you should wear me or not. And when we figured out we were a great match, you were still nervous being seen with me.

I get it. It was new, it was dorky and we were uncomfortable together. You didn’t know how to act around me. You said I was suffocating. I hurt your ears. I wouldn’t stay in place. Honestly, I think you worried about what your friends might think.

But as people continued to get sick and die, we got over that, and pretty soon you wouldn’t go anywhere without me. We lined up together at stores. You showed me off at work. You introduced me to your neighbours. You kept a distance from them, but not from me. We were close. Very close. I felt you every time you smiled. And as autumn rolled into winter, you remarked more than once how I felt like a nice warm scarf. A nice warm safe scarf. You were proud of me.

And we saved lives. Don’t pretend we didn’t. Remember that BMJ (formerly British Medical Journal) analysis last November of more than 70 studies worldwide looking at public health measures? You probably don’t. But I do because I was on the face of someone reading it. And it said mask-wearing accounted for a 53 per cent reduction in the incidence of COVID-19. The Canadian government, meanwhile, also noted a decrease in COVID-19 incidence, hospitalization, and mortality when masks were worn. We were doing good work, you and I.

As time passed, though, I got the impression you blamed me for the pandemic’s restrictions. You would “mistakenly” leave me behind when you went out. You would apologize at the grocery store checkout — “Oh, sorry, I forgot my mask at home.” Don’t act like that never happened. I could hear you from your coat pocket. 

And then the final straw, last winter, when Ontario Premier Doug Ford said “we’ve got to move on,” and that was all you needed. Without even a last kiss goodbye, you discarded me as quickly as Andy threw Woody onto his pile of ignored toys once Buzz arrived. It would have been one thing to be jilted for a younger mask. But no, you dumped me because a politician said you could. That really hurt. 

And so I languished all these months, balled up like a dog’s dried and out-of-reach chew toy. But I never gave up on you. 

And it’s a good thing I didn’t.

Because now the flu and respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) have been added to the list of medical conditions attacking us, creating a cataclysm of respiratory ailments clogging up our lungs and hospital beds and hallways. As a result, the premier has changed his tune. Just three weeks ago, he urged you to wear me “every time possible.” (Ignore the fact that he wasn’t wearing one in the legislature just days later; all that vacillating must make it hard for him to keep things straight.) 

Meanwhile, Dr. Kieran Moore, the province’s chief medical officer of health, urged Ontarians to mask up, while Ottawa Public Health is recommending folks use me in all indoor public settings and crowded outdoor ones.

I understand this is probably difficult for you. What will your friends think if they see us together again? That you couldn’t make it on your own? That you’re weak? Well, you could ease them into our reunion by telling them I was a gift from your daughter, instead of the customary tie she gives you that you never wear. Or that you were waiting to get matching shoes before we went out again in public (though you’d then have to get matching shoes).

Or you could tell them the truth: we’re in a jam and I can save lives. 

So what do you say? I think we can do some amazing things together again. Is it too much to mask?

Bruce Deachman

1. Kaplan-Myrth: Still masking? You are not alone

2. Editorial: Don't debate face masks. Just wear them