Juhl: How to survive a sleepover with your wits intact

“No more talking, it’s time to sleep” is sleepover code for “go back to whispering.” You know it, they know it. The morning-after sleepover hangover is the price you all pay.

The sleepover, like taking public transit alone or riding in the front seat of the car, is a rite of passage for most kids. You must have confidence in your child for each of those milestones, and the slumber party adds another element of trust: that of the other parents.

Sleepovers shouldn’t be a matter of putting kids in a room and forgetting they’re there. If they’re using their devices together, you should know who they’re talking to — and who they’re talking about. If they’re playing Truth or Dare, you should know what the stakes are before one of them ends up on the roof. When children are wound up, off their routine and exhausted, they’re more likely to make poor choices.

Kids gain independence and forge bonds spending extra time together, so you want this to be a success.

The ‘come to my house’ sleepover

When’s the last time you got uninterrupted sleep anyway? One more night isn’t going to kill you. Probably.

Hosting is the best way to ease your child into the world of sleepovers and to get a feel for how it works. Even if you’re an overachiever, start small, with one guest. Drama is far more likely to happen if there are three kids, and more than that should not be attempted until you’ve got your pro badge.

Set the rules early and make sure both kids and their parents are aware of them: When is dropoff and pickup? When must devices be turned off? Must the bedroom door always be open and are they allowed to have snacks in there?

Have a couple of activities at the ready as boredom-busters and distractions if the mood starts to shift. Scavenger hunts and DIY avocado face masks are perpetual favourites. (Avocados? In this economy?)

The elsewhere sleepover

This is the one that causes the most anxiety in parents. Parents should prepare themselves as much as their child by asking questions of the host family, like where the children will sleep, whether there are pets, their policy on sugar and screen time and whether non-family members will be visiting.

Pack extra clothes, their devices and chargers and PJs. If your child takes medication or needs an inhaler, give those things directly to the host parent and make sure they understand when and how it should be given. The medication should be in the original container with the name and dose on it.

Be open to your child calling you at bedtime or if they feel a little homesick. When it’s early in your kid’s pyjama-party career, you might need a plan for midnight pickup if it becomes too much for them. The benefit to this is that it teaches your child early that you’ll come for them no matter the situation.

The reciprocal sleepover

Ah, my favourite. You take them one weekend, send them away the next, opening up the possibility of date nights or just having a slightly quieter house one night. The successful reciprocal sleepover gets you one step closer to your slumber party pro badge.

The late-night only non-sleepover

If yours is a #nosleepover family, the late-night play date might be the answer. In this scenario, pickup is after 10 p.m. and younger kids are already in their pyjamas. They get the benefit of a later-than-usual play date and you get the peace of mind of having them in their own bed till morning.

Families choose to say no to sleepovers for a variety of reasons, including fear of a child’s safety, because their child doesn’t handle being away from routine well, concern over peer pressure or for medical reasons. They might be unsure the family’s values align with theirs, meaning an across-the-board no makes more sense than picking and choosing.

Sign up for our awesome parenting newsletter at montrealgazette.com/newsletters.

hjuhl@postmedia.com