Music. Hard Knock gives you goosebumps as the music begins. As you know, the handful of notes created when the bow is dragged so dramatically over the stringed instrument connotes something powerful such as creation, destruction, or rebirth: Dah-da-. da-da-dum. And a short swell of feedback. Rumbling timpani: Bum-BUMM. Then you begin tobelievethe words that came out of Dan Campbell's mouth.
This is the best hard knock: making it feel like football is importantand the testosterone-laden pituitary case bundles It's not just about colliding. The brain inevitably turns into jelly.
Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Detroit Lions The opening episode of features Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell, head coach of the Detroit Lions, the same Detroit Lions who haven't won a championship since the Eisenhower administration and haven't won a playoff game since the collapse of the Soviet Union. The Detroit Lions, the butt of all jokes, the ultimate portrait of sports futility, the saddest sack ever fired – and fired over and over again. They are the first team in NFL history to play an entire season without winning a single game. Detroit Lions enthusiastic Kool-Aid is like his Subtraction Stew in The Phantom Tollbooth.
Detroit Lions Finally Hard KnockWorth Watching, Even Acknowledging Validation of a team forever written off as nothing worth doing. For Lions fans (here I am. It's me. Lifelong. Guilty. Stubborn. Contradictory. Maybe a little embarrassing.), the franchise's lack of previous Lions has clearly contributed I feel like it deserves my longstanding respect for. Longtime sub-mediocre.
And they realized that if he didn't smoke 10,000 asses, he wouldn't be featured in HBO's hype-stirring pre-season documentary series. A team's primary qualification for participating in Hard Knocks is that it must get out of the stinking sewers of the season. And lord knows the Lions had those outrageous numbers – Hall of Fame players like superstars Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson wasted under faceless and incompetent coaches. The seasonal stench sewers that lead to certain death from cliffs like the fabled lemmings. , back to Dan Campbell's speech to the team. "It doesn't matter if your butt cheek is one of his and your toes are three of his," he says. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm in the mood. And he said the NFL season is like going into the ocean, some teams never get off the beach, others go into shallow water, and all the Lions have to do is drag their opponents down. "Deep Dark Abyss" and DROWN 'EM. "We'll step on the water as long as it takes to bury you." Because you can't bury someone in water through the ceiling tiles.
That's why the focus of this episode is Campbell. He's far from the faceless shrub that Lions coaches were decades ago. He was the head of his coach in his second year, and his debut press conference has become the legend of Patella Spiel. He's drizzled with oyster sauce and served with seasoned red potatoes and lightly steamed snap asparagus. He says stuff like that all the time, so of course hard knock is Bob on a chalky biscuit He's all over him like Evans' gravy. Because whoever watches this show turns into a wolf and begs for more.
So we get a segment where Campbell's background and a series of tough ups and downs with some pretty young players. , despite having tripped over the dog gate of the house and jacked up my wrists the day before. That's Dan Campbell. He never asks the team to do something he doesn't. He gets agitated, pisses him off, and pumps his fist up. He gives a post-practice speech and his voice cracks and becomes very passionate, and you get some serious VAN down-by-the-river Matt Foley vibes and you think he's going to cry. "All I think about isyou," he says.
Campbell famously cried. October 10, 2021. At the post-match press conference. Heartbreaker lost to the Minnesota Vikings in his second field last goal. 500mg of protein in his powder ultra his cuff his Starbucks and F-150 tearing off the guy's cheek he looks like he's been lifting for 3 hours a day. it is contagious. Running He sees Buck Jamal Williams giving a speech – Hard Knock I love a good motivational speech. About that f-ing record,” referring to the previous 3-13-1 season. he cries So are we. Honolulu blue and silver tears.
Here are the highlights: If you're a Lions fan, you know it well.
Episode notable bullet points:
- Campbell's coaching with former players such as Antoine Randruell, Marc Brunel, Aaron Glenn and Deuce focus on his staff I'm putting Staley. Glenn and Staley, respectively his defensive coordinator and assistant head coach/running he-back-he-coach, are the focus of a very funny montage of talking crap and busting each other's balls during practice. (Choose the moment under the end credits where Staley chews up a player who farted in the movie room: "If you bust your butt here, it's a serious fine.")
- Feed: Reaction shot quarterback Jared Goff. He almost always has a dope look on his face, as if he were an inside joke among the series' editors. We seldom hear his voice and never speak to him directly. He is a veteran of the ``Hard Knocks`` ``68'' and was part of the team for the Los Angeles Rams, where he was featured twice in the series. We'll certainly get more from him in future episodes.
- Rookie D-line demolitionist Aidan Hutchinson singing "Billie Jean" to the team in his pre-release promo clip I've seen it before, and it's still wonderfully finicky. White boy Aidan Hutchinson (his father was also a star D-lineman in Michigan) looks great with his rich ass family on the patio of a huge house. Aidan Hutchinson, the type of guy we probably dismiss in F — if he wasn't the second overall pick that should be the hero on that team, then that guy, and soon. Bag Aaron Rodgers to pieces and you'll love your billionaire ass, Hutch.
- He was 11 by the time he saw his soundbite Jamal Williams walking quirky and lovable at a country music festival whose post-game interview went viral faster than his COVID. It takes minutes. I was shocked that it took so long. He is his C character in capital letters. Expect him to be MVP in this Hard Knocks
- Liev Schreiber weighted narration. as a whole sentence. "There's cold math in the NFL. It's all about winning. This team-"-Here the Lions his fan presses pause and says DO N'T REMIND ME DO N'T REMINDDDD MEEEEEEE. They have been in a dark place for a long time. 'Ahhhh.
- Vignette about "Guardian Cap". New to his NFL this season, players wear helmets to reduce head injuries. You might think that "guardian cap" sounds like a brand name for a product designed to keep semen from entering the birth canal.
- Campbell references Metallica's lyrics in his opening speech, and the episode concludes with the song. high drama. Because Lions fans have been run over by trains for years. Is this the year we reach the light? Never say, baby.
Notable omissions in the opening 45 minutes of the series: Young and hungry players trying to make a team, veterans making a dangerous comeback to the league, no competitive profile for a roster spot. Undoubtedly, all is yet to come. But we cry, fart, and watch a lot of Metallica and Dan Campbell to heap his steamy squad. Can he carry his knock hard in his four more episodes? We are hanging by all his ridiculous words.
John Selva is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. For more on his work,johnserbaatlarge.com
Stream Hard Knock: Training Camp with the Detroit Lions on HBO Max