Calm down, everyone. That’s it, that’s all I have to say today. Have a cup of tea, take a few deep breaths, for it is the season of hyperbole.
Maybe, in fact, it is the era of hyperbole, swamped as we are in a stream of opinions, a barrage of tweets, an influenza of Instagram posts, a torrent of Tik Toks.
For lovers of any particular football club, however, the moment after the weekend before, that weekend being the first of any particular season, is always the time to jump to conclusions, to leap to statements of fact that almost certainly have no weight, particularly in the marathon that is the fight for a league title.
Manchester United supporters, for example, may have already decided that following defeat to Brighton on Sunday, there is no longer any hope at Old Trafford, that Erik Ten Hag may as well throw in the towel after his first official game in charge, that Benni McCarthy should, after all, have taken that Bafana job.
Similarly, Manchester City supporters may have concluded that Erling Haaland will score 150 goals this season, after his brace against West Ham on Sunday, just as others decided he was going to be a total flop when he missed a sitter against Liverpool in the Community Shield.
In a similar vein, some may conclude that Mamelodi Sundowns will walk another DStv Premiership title, following their stroll to victory against Cape Town City on Friday in the opening match of the 2022/23 season, or that Kaizer Chiefs are destined for another season of trophyless misery after their 1-0 loss to Royal AM on Saturday.
The absurdity of such over-reaction (and all football fans do it, part of my brain has already decided Kai Havertz will never score for Chelsea again), is borne out in the fact that by the time you read this, it could well be that Chiefs have hammered Maritzburg United to get their first win of the campaign.
Even if they don’t there are still another 28 matches to go! Similarly, Sundowns and Orlando Pirates could lose this evening, leaving their early victories not quite as shiny as before.
They say patience is a virtue, and they also say that it is pointless to really look at a league table until November, when the true shape of a season starts to emerge. Unless your team goes pointless through August, September and October, in which case, maybe do give up hope.
The point is that no one knows the way a season will go after match day one. Teams have lost their opening match and gone on to win the title, just as they have won their opening match and gone on to be relegated.
So just chill, have a beer if tea doesn’t cut it, but don’t start worrying about your favourites for a while.
Similarly, don’t start bragging to others about the obvious superiority of yours over theirs. You never quite know when that one will come and punch you in the face too.