WE’VE tried being counseled a number of times but my husband’s drinking and his interactions with some of his mates has seen no change.
This is one of the interesting questions that came into my email box and I thought it would be important to share something on maturity in relationships.
Have you ever dealt with a partner, who when asked to discuss an important matter will claim they are busy or too tired and suggest the timing is not good but instead, have the matter discussed at a later time?
And when this later time comes, they become moody and create all sought of tension that the discussion does not take off but left hanging.
“Enough’’ of this immaturity, read the mail, and as I read the rest of the message, I could clearly read the annoying tone of someone who could not contain what seemed to become a growing norm of her partner.
In another conversation with a friend a young woman married over three years ago, has been known to break some household items every time there is a misunderstanding with her partner.
The saying marriage is not for the faint-hearted is real because it is not only about partners fantasising and romanticising but goes beyond this.
Maturity is described as some act that is far more than a simple checklist or a state that you achieve as an adult.
This may involve every individual adult knowing oneself, understanding oneself, and having some idea of how best to interact with other people.
A good number of domestic violence among married couples and partners who are in relationships is as a result of immaturity exhibited by perpetrators of violence.
Immaturity is a silent killer that partners are not aware of the impact it causes on their partners which later causes barriers for people to have healthy relationship.
Maturity in every adult plays an important role that should enhance one’s success and interacting skills in relationships, workplace and all types of relationships that they may come across.
Another friend shared how her partner loves to play hide and seek outside the garden lawn with their children, something she thought was childish.
“But with time, I saw how the children developed a bond with their father that I see so much laughter and openness with what was happening in their academics and interaction with their other peers.
Perhaps for some of us who never experienced any play games with our guardians or parents we do not understand if a partner is being immature or not.
Whatever the extent of immaturity, there are certain actions that partners exhibit but, one cannot impose on someone to stop playing video games, hide and seek and other childish games we played when we were growing.
What is important is that a relationship must be built with someone whom you will be
compatible with and also whether we like it or not, age plays an important role and having a partner in your age bracket is key for me.’’ She said
However, the immaturity that triggers into violence and affect partner’s psychological emotions cannot go unnoticed.
Also, I have read on social media how some women question if men ever reach maturity, and further posts showing different encounters or experiences that have left women in pain resulting in separation, violence, abuse and later divorce.
To put cream on a cake or is it salt on an injury, I have now come across a common word used frequently,describing men as sons of “Solomon” because of their immaturity.
Unfortunately,true to some observations, studies have shown that men seem to be culprits in relationships and that they fall within this camp of immaturity.
In addition, the study relied on surveys to determine what men and women considered mature, how they felt about their maturity, and whether or not they believed the opposite gender was mature at a certain age.
The results of this study concluded that men are not considered mature until approximately 43 years of age with some of the immature traits including, showing off, relying too much on their mothers and being petty in a number of situations.
It has been observed that, most of the male counterparts are afraid of commitment, raising children and taking responsibilities of family hence the immaturity in them.
But, how does one explain about a person who treats or respects their friends better than their partner and easily influence each other to spend the night out and forget about their responsibility in a home.
This may not represent every man in a relationship but what does one explain about a man who cannot explain how their salary has been spent at a drinking spree at a night club.
And not to forget a partner who still has to run to his mother to seek advise on how to manage his home and spend his income.
Yes, I call it immaturity, a woman who goes on vacation to the countryside visiting her parents’ home and decides to stay for months in the name of ‘I miss my mother’.
Is it not these episodes that have seen an increase in violence and abuse when partners are not interested in changing even when all concerns have been raised?
One marriage counselor observes that, it is not difficult to see a partner’s immaturity just when one is dating though we tend to ignore certain habits when we are drowned in love.
For instance, a partner who exhibits maturity would rather stay silent and analyse the issue before responding to an argument no matter how tense it may be.
Generally, partners who are mature know when and how to respond to a problem and when they are wrong, they take full responsibility and apologises.
It is important to note that partners should not be worried from studies that have shown that with men maturity may show until they are 43 years.
While this may be worrysome, there is always room with partners who present with serious immaturity to seek counsel from their mentors or marriage counselors as this is an opportunity to grow and have a healthy relationship.
But, it is important to observe that, entering into a relationship requires maturity as this entails a person’s ability to truly commit to a partner for life and also determines the level of trust and dependability present in the relationship.
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