AMERICAN actress and film maker Angelina Jolie once said, “if you are a woman, generally speaking, a work and life balance is almost always impossible to achieve.”
She noted that women sacrifice for the greater good and wellbeing of their families, but it is a decision that men do not have to grapple with in the same way.
This statement has left me reflecting on many stories of women who are returning to the classroom after realising they have dreams and goals to accomplish.
It is those dreams which were cut short due to some reasons such as early marriage, teenage pregnancy and failure of parents and guardians to facilitate and provide for the education required.
Sadly, for some women, their partners’ insecurity in pursuing their dreams has cost them their relationships.
Others have no memory of their partners being proud of their achievements at any point, but only a vivid sad story of their insecurity.
It is no secret that some men have refused to pay for their partners’ studies because they are insecure that she will leave them once she climbs the ladder.
I have seen women who have worked so hard in their careers only to turn down some job offers, promotions; business prospects and studies because their insecure partners have given them the red light.
To some extent, we cannot ignore the fact some single women today have challenges holding on to a relationship or taking it to the next level because, it is hard for their partners to accept their status.
Perhaps men cannot stomach the fact that a woman could surpass them any aspect of life.
Well, some men are happy to have a woman who is a support system with the famous slogan of ‘hustling woman’ and will go out of their way to provide the support and facilitate for their progress where needs be.
But how do we move from this realm of men being threatened by the successes of their partners, to the realm where they get to accept the change.
It is important to understand that the history of our tradition and place of a woman in a home emanates from the traditional interpretation embedded in most cultures where men should be the main economic source for a family.
Technically this means that they should earn more than their female partners and so this has seen men being insecure for fear of losing their role, of being the providers in a home.
One young woman told me that, her partner’s insecurity over her decision to take her career to greater heights, led him to suggest she stops work as he was capable of proving for the family.
Another woman said when her partner saw that her business had grown, he become distractive leading her to cancel some of her business schedules and would always complain about her business trips suggesting that she, instead, stays home and takes care of the children.
But women cannot make it this far in their career or business only to quit because of a partner who is insecure about them succeeding in life.
Recently, a woman was murdered by her partner on allegations that she decided to divorce him after being taken to school.
Whatever the circumstances surrounding the story, I am inspired to write about men’s intimidation of successful women which I have observed has taken a toll in relationships.
Watching the 2023 Oscar’s academy awards over a week ago, which saw Michelle Yeoh, who made history being the first Asian woman to win the award; this truly is a message for women regardless of their age.
The 60-year-old’s speech, bearing an encouraging message describing her award as proof that dreaming big made dreams come true.
What was more interesting, was her encouragement to women, not to let anybody tell them, ‘‘you are ever past your prime.’’
This has kept me thinking how women despite their age and years in marriage have decided to sit behind a desk or empower themselves to follow their dreams and perhaps live a meaningful life.
Some scholars have observed that men and women are equal in their abilities and therefore, women can be in combat roles, just like men.
Similarly, women too can be bread winners of their family and have a successful career and still tend to their maternal instincts.
From some personal conversations with some males, it is still clear that some men are intimidated by women who are more successful than they are.
Today, some men may seem genuinely attracted to an ambitious woman’s passion, energy, drive, and intellect.
We have heard how some men want an equal partner, a wife who works, who is creative and can generate their own finances.
The insecurity being experienced in many relations today, shows that it may sound easy to say and harder to live with as this is tempting only up to a point, then it later makes men feel insecure.
Last year, some community in Lusaka witnessed a woman whose partner was insecure with her job and wanted her to quit her job.
Their marriage became tense leading to the man attempting to kill her and her children by setting ablaze their rented house but they, however, managed to escape unhurt with the help of neighbours.
Sadly, after the separation, the man committed suicide last year while living with his girlfriend.
And another interesting discussion with some male colleagues showed how gender stereotyping has contributed to the insecurity in marriages which are creating social problems such as GBV and divorce.
It was observed that the insecurity we are witnessing in relationships does not only happen in African cultures or patriarchal cultures but also in the Western world.
When women experience a certain level of social, financial or academic success, the self-esteem in most men seems to drop.
And for women who have been identified to leave their partners after their success, one colleague had a message, that such women only marry for economic convenience hence their behavior.
Naturally, for women, any kind of a man’s success, women’s self- esteem is usually unaffected unlike with men.
There is need to change the mindset of our societies if we have to empower women so that they are partners in development and contribute in all areas.
Marriage counselors have an important role to educate couples entering into marriage to on the need for partners to treat each other with respect and uplift each other.
Similarly, there is need to educate men and raise more awareness on what advantages a successful woman will give not only to their families but to the society as a whole.
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