For a generation whose entire identity is based on their internet persona and all interactions are limited to Snapchat streaks, fear of real-life human interaction was bound to strike the nation's youth sooner or later. However, with more and more saleswomen being appointed in local super shops like Dushawpno, Agagora, and UniHurt, fear of human interaction peaks, as Bangladeshi adults are reportedly scared of saying no to saleswomen selling chicken nuggets.
"I usually spend my hours spreading male chauvinism on the internet and sharing Andrew Tate videos. With my old parents being too sick to go shopping, I finally decided to bestow upon them some mercy, get up for once and go to the local supermarket to buy some groceries," said Shadman Sakib, a local self-entitled man-child.
For all latest news, follow The Daily Star's Google News channel.
"I was just roaming around the frozen food aisle and browsing for some deep-fried garbage when suddenly, I could sense this eerie figure lurking around me," he added. "I turned around but there was nobody there. I kept on looking for chicken nuggets to chug onto and that's when I could hear footsteps right behind me. I was certain that some invisible aura was following me. As I opened my phone for the Ayatul Kursi app, someone breathed beneath my ear and whispered, 'Are you looking for anything in particular, sir?'"
"I jumped in fear as I saw this woman with big wobbly eyes and a smile as big as her entire face," continued Shadman, in great distress. "It looked like someone permanently carved this smile on her face. Fear of human interaction, talking to a woman in real life – I could see all my fears bunched up into one in her dark sparkling eyes."
As an internet personality, Shadman was used to facing no consequences for his actions. However, as the saleswoman offered him the latest off-brand frozen chicken nuggets at a whopping two percent discount, Shadman realised that his greatest nightmare had come true. "After years behind the keyboard, I forgot how to say the only thing any Bangladeshi man, like myself isn't used to taking for an answer – 'No'."
Raisa Ferdous, another victim of the saleswoman phobia, shared her story, "Dushawpno saleswoman made me buy things I'd never even consider using. I know buying the 13th packet of bodywash sounds useless while you already have twelve in your drawer but it seemed very convincing when she pitched it to me."
"This one time I gathered all my courage and tried turning her down. But then again, green tea was available at a three percent discount and that sounded like a steal. Sure, I'd rather have a heart attack at 38 than try great tea, or anything healthy, for once. But at least, I saved 28 BDT off that baby!" she exclaimed.
"Ripping off gullible Bangladeshis is really easy," explained Maliha, a saleswoman at Agagora. "I know some people consider this a scam but, in a country where universities are ripping our youth off for millions for a marketing degree, I can at least rip them off for 200."
Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com
