Ask Amy: Thanks to future moms who are worried about their baby's shower

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Amy Dickinson •  Specializing in post-media networks

Dear Amy:After many years, with the help of prayer and science, I became pregnant and with my family and friends Transfer to a festive baby shower watching together.

My question is, do I need to invite my narcissistic sister-in-law (brother's wife), or only my 10 and 14 year old daughters? Is it appropriate to do it?

Over the years, my relationship with SIL deteriorated and she refused to speak to me. We must have separate family holidays.

I never invite this person to an event, but her daughter and I maintain a loving relationship.

From your point of view, is it appropriate to just work on my niece invitation? I really miss their existence, but I can't stand the idea that their mother will attend this special day.

– Ultimate Expectations

Dear Expectations:From my point of view, it is appropriate to invite my niece to a baby shower without inviting my mother Not, but I'm not living in your family and lacking certain insights. (Your brother may make a firm suggestion to you.)

If you invite your niece (not their mother), their mother will Please understand that they are unlikely to attend without her. In addition, doing so could allow your sister-in-law to hand over more "evidence" of the crime against the family you believe you have already committed.

It is advisable to prepare for fallout no matter which course you take.

Narcissists have the grand notion that the world revolves around them, so your sister-in-law interprets your actions only in relation to her.

I accept your assumption that you think things are so bad between two adults that you can't stand them, but as you move forward, now you Understand this practice of celebrating separate holidays with your own children. And so on, it gets even more complicated. Some families manage to engage in parallel relationships that allow individuals to get together as part of a group without personal interaction, but if this is not possible, they are continuously healthy and free with their niece. We will continue to do our best to maintain the relationship.

Dear Amy:I would like to inform the children of my intended plan to distribute my property after my death.

How can I bequeath my money lovingly without "disturbing my wings"?

I have three daughters. Only one is married and has two children.

In preparing the will, I would like to leave 2% of the remaining funds to my grandchildren and evenly divide the balance of the three daughters into 32% each.

One of them is worried that married siblings have a larger share and may consider this distribution (2% are three-thirds of married daughters). I believe it should come from a fair share of 1).

Please give us your thoughts on my intended plans and how to overcome the difficult emotions of one of my daughters.

– Plan

Dear Plan:The planned distribution of assets looks fair and impartial. Many choose to give to their grandchildren and other family members separately from their children. It's your money and you have the right to use it as you like.

Given how hard you solved this, I wonder why you feel compelled to share these details with your daughters.

You say you want to let them know, and you obviously expect one of them to oppose. If so, you should prepare yourself. She will have to recover from her disappointment.

If she is not obsessed and has no children, she will be spared at least one experience, the anxiety you are experiencing now.

We are happy to reply to you.

Dear Amy:I like your reaction to "Tapped Out Teachers" where retired parents continue to give money to their daughters and granddaughters and encounter ridiculous reactions. I did. ..

I loved you calling out what your daughter "Claire" was: "... a qualified, incompetent, poor and angry adult."

Such people need to be called for their actions. Parents who do more than receive do not deserve this treatment, nor do others in society.

– Please support

Dear support:One of the concerns I had was that older couples actually had their own due to this generosity. It was that it could hurt the economic future.

Financial abilities begin in childhood, and when parents teach their children how to earn and spend wisely, these children grow into confident, independent (and often generous) adults. That education is a true gift.

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