Ask Amy: Son-In-Law Values Softball More Than Family

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Amy Dickinson  •  Postmedia Network Special Edition

Dear Amy: I have come to the conclusion that my son-in-law is an ass.

My daughter will give birth, take care of the baby, work a full time job, cook, clean and get the kids where they need to be.

He quit his job without first finding a new job and has now been unemployed for months.

I thought it was a bad thing that his only responsibility was that he worked from 9 to 5 and nothing more. Now he is unemployed, but his only responsibilities are six softball his leagues and the various cornhole tournaments he plays in the evenings. He watches TV all day long.

He is abusive to me and my daughter. His favorite phase is when things are "not on his job description."

Equipment, cars, college, etc. were things I worked hard to provide for my children, but he said that I had to pay for them to get those things.

Or he doesn't care at all.

Relationships with daughters and grandchildren are ruined.

I still work, but while he plays softball, he can help look after the kids and pay extra for ballet classes, clothing, shoes, etc. I am very angry with

I think you need therapy and a trusted attorney to address these concerns.

Any advice?

– Granny Miserable

Dear Miserable: If you understand and accept that your daughter is making a series of choices, you can better deal with this. . Her choice to be martyred by her husband in what sounds like a selfish impasse may seem puzzling to you, but your role here is not to fix her life. 76} In fact, unless your daughter comes to complain to you, or asks for advice, or financial gifts, or relief, there is no need for you to be burdened at all. Pressure from you or a complete lack of (expressed) judgment or embarrassment may actually prompt her to take a long look at the reality of her life.

She has her choices and can change her life if she wants to.

Don't agree to anything if you're going to make her resent it and "pay" her in some other way. (a very helpful gesture), but otherwise let her know that you'll have to make other arrangements for childcare, unless it's really urgent.

Ballet lessons might make a nice gift for a special occasion, but with the unemployment rate as low as her 3.6%, if the kids need shoes, perhaps the able-bodied father You can come up with a method provided by

Focus on establishing respectful and loving boundaries and maintaining good relationships with your children.

Yes, therapy will help.

Dear Amy: My problem is that my daughter (age 41) is reluctant to have a mammogram.

Every time I tell her about it she ignores me and tries to change her subject.

Actually she needs to take care of herself and I have said so many times.

Many aunts and grandmothers (paternal grandmothers) have breast cancer.

She also works in the healthcare field and is very knowledgeable about breast cancer risk.

I don't know how to contact her.

I'm really in trouble. I don't know how to convince her.

Could you give me some advice on how to help her?

– Upset Mother

Dear Upset: Your daughter has important reasons for having a mammogram.

This family history is also why she avoids testing.

You may not understand her fear she feels. But she doesn't know the incredible relief she feels when she gets a clean scan.

Explodes after about 10 minutes. fine.

Ask her if she can make an appointment for her, then take her. Emphasize to her that she has lost weight and the relief she feels afterward.

Dear Amy: Your response to "hands off" was woefully inadequate.

Her friend's "handy" husband kissed her without her consent.

If this happens again, a quick kick to the groin is called for.

– Get Real

Dear Real: A quick kick may be required, but to handle this properly, it's not violent I think there is a way.

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