To say Pamela Anderson was unhappy with Hulu for making a series based on her life, Pam & Tommy, without her consent, approval, or consultation is an understatement. And once you watch her moving tell-all documentary, Pamela, A Love Story—which will begin streaming on Netflix tomorrow—you’ll understand why.
One can imagine how violating it must feel to have a private sex tape stolen, leaked, bought, downloaded, and watched by millions of strangers. But thanks to the Bay Watch star’s brutal honesty in her new documentary, directed by Ryan White, you don’t have to imagine.
“It felt like a rape,” Anderson says bluntly in the film. It’s not a comparison Anderson makes lightly—she also reveals in the film that she was molested and raped as a child. “Not to bring up something heavy, from my childhood, but when I was attacked by this guy, I thought everybody would know. When the tape was stolen, it felt like that.”
When Anderson learned that Pam & Tommy creators Robert Siegel and D.V. DeVincentis had turned one of the most traumatic moments of her life into Hollywood entertainment—a dark comedy starring Lily James and Sebastian Stan—she was, quite reasonably, distraught. “It really gives me nightmares,” Anderson says of the show, in a scene in the documentary that was filmed after the series was announced, but before it was released on Hulu. “I didn’t sleep last night, at all. I have no desire to watch it. I never watched the tape, and I’m not going to watch this.”
It’s heartbreaking to watch Anderson live out her fear, anger, and trauma in real-time, as she reacts to the show. “They should have had to have my permission,” Anderson says. “I texted Tommy the other day, and said, ‘How do you feel about everything?’ He goes, ‘Pamela, just don’t let it hurt you as much as it did the first time.'”
Anderson tries to shake it off, but it’s impossible for her to ignore the show’s existence completely, especially after the series was a hit for Hulu, earning Emmy nominations for Lily James, Sebastian Stan, and Seth Rogen. In one memorable scene from the documentary, Anderson talks on the phone to her youngest son, Brandon, who tells her he watched the first three episodes, and she’s visibly shaken.
“I’m shaking. This feels really weird,” she tells her son. She attempts to make light of the situation after hanging up the phone, but then admits, “I blocked [the sex tape leak] out of my life. I had to, in order to survive. It was a survival mechanism. And now that it’s all coming up again, I feel sick, from my whole stomach. From the middle of my chest, all the way down. My stomach feels right now like it’s just been punched.”
Anderson emphasizes in the film that, despite the assumption she made money from the sex tape, neither she nor her ex-husband, Tommy Lee, ever received a dime. Now, once again, Anderson has been forced to watch the entertainment industry make money and acclaim off of her personal trauma. (Though she does clarify that she doesn’t blame the stars of the show.)
In a recent interview with Variety, Anderson called the creator of Pam & Tommy “assholes,” and called on them to apologize to her. In a previous interview with IndieWire, co-creator D.V. DeVincentis said they had attempted to reach out to Anderson before making the series, but never received a response.
Pamela, A Love Story will begin streaming on Netflix on Tuesday, January 31.
