Kanisa George
LIFE IS A road map littered with highs, lows and indescribable moments. When it’s good, laughter is our best friend, and good vibes and energy are only two paces ahead, setting the scene for endless possibilities.
It’s easy to get lost in the midst of happy moments while we savour the sweet nectar that life can sometimes offer. And as for our troubles, not a speck in sight. When the good times roll, it’s easy to relate to everything and everyone around us, and the strength required to seize the day is at full capacity.
It is when troubles come ah knocking that we inevitably run dry of happiness and struggle to grasp the light at the end of the tunnel. Managing the realities of challenging situations can be made easier with proper support, but, unlike happy moments, moments of darkness are often faced alone and in silence.
When life is good, it’s really good, but when it becomes challenging, what most of us really want is to feel seen and supported.
The American Psychological Association's guideline in dealing with loss states that “having strong social support can actually make you more able to cope with problems on your own, by improving your self-esteem and a sense of autonomy.
A strong social support network, in many ways, can act as a catalyst that helps us push past difficult moments as it strengthens our defences and reinforces our emotional capacity. Most social relationships provide various types of support. This could be in the form of instrumental support, like offering an actual service (taking a friend to the airport) or appraisal support, like providing words of encouragement.
But when the going gets tough, emotional support can prevent us from becoming overwhelmed by the experience and ride the wave of emotions expected from difficult situations.
Having a shoulder to lean on emotionally cannot be overstated, and when you least expect it the buoyancy of emotional support can act like a bridge over troubled water.
Emotional support is an intentional verbal or non-verbal way to show care and affection for another. It is offered by showing genuine encouragement, reassurance and compassion. As one writer puts it, emotional support is when someone sits with us, empathises with our experience and validates our emotions. It means we sit with our loved ones, empathise with them and help them to feel that their emotions are valid.
Receiving emotional support helps us cope with daily problems, stress, disappointments or pain, and makes us feel happier and more resourceful in dealing with the troubles of life (Atoum & Al-Shobul, 2018).
Receiving emotional support is an essential part of every relationship, whether with your partner, family or friends. When it is lacking, not only can it stand to erode the foundation of your relationship, but it can affect your mental and physical health.
Research demonstrates the link between social relationships and many different aspects of health and wellness.
One study found that poor social support has been linked to depression and loneliness and has been shown to alter brain function. It also increases the risk of cardiovascular disease and depression.
While it is widely accepted that emotional support is crucial to our well-being and development, most of us cannot provide it or accept that we need it.
For some people, providing emotional support comes easy; for everyone else, showing required support can also mean addressing unresolved emotional troubles plaguing them.
We all want to be supported by our loved ones, and it’s equally important for us to help our loved ones in their time of need.
Of course, the type of emotional support you give and receive will most likely depend on the nature of your relationship and the situation, but showing up is key.
Offering reassurance, acceptance, encouragement and care can make your loved one feel valued and important, starting with active listening.
One psychologist wrote that it is not enough to simply ask questions. Questions need to be accompanied by active or empathetic listening. Using good listening skills such as displaying open body language, nodding along with their words or making noises of agreement instead of interrupting, and avoiding distractions show your loved one that you care about what they are going through.
Offering words of validation and empathy is another important way to show emotional support.
Phrases like “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” “That must be hard,” or “I am here for you” create a barrier of comfort that provides support even though we can’t offer a solution.
Also, ask what they may need. One writer posits that this allows the person in need to control the kind of help they get. A person may want to talk, or they may want advice or material support; by asking this question, you follow their lead.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for support. Sometimes it might seem easier to bottle things up, but when we do this we’re depriving ourselves of much-needed support from our loved ones.
Also, it is equally important to speak up about your needs, for sometimes that’s the only way to make them known. The need for support may not always be obvious, so tell your loved ones what you need.
Death, break-ups and financial hardship are all part of the circle of life. And sometimes the only response to difficult moments is the support of a loving hand. It might not be the solution, but it makes our misery much easier to bear.