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Ask Amy: Forgiveness bids go to shredders

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Amy Dickinson •  Specializing in post-media networks
A reader tells Amy that letters from people who are apologizing for past wrongs go into the shredder.
Reader A tells Amy that letters from people who apologize for past mistakes enter the shredder. File Photo Photo/Getty Images

Dear Amy:This year, some people in my past contacted me to ask for forgiveness. I am writing because I believe my decision will provide your readers with a different perspective.

The first letter was written jointly by two dormitory students and apologized for their rude and harmful behavior. I went for emotional support from these two women and believed they were friends, but neither liked me and I gave them in their dissertation and research projects I was frankly told that they had only a relationship with me because I thought they would help. This was especially painful as it happened shortly after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I changed dormitories at the end of the school year and never talked to either. It's been almost 40 years.

The second letter was a friend of mine at another university. She contacted me in 2008 and we started calling and emailing. "Call me anytime and talk," she said. One night I did, and she exploded and shouted that I interrupted her nightly wine and crafting time, because I'm not married, a homeowner, or a crafter. Scream that they have nothing in common and leave her alone forever.

I immediately ended the call, deleted her phone number and blocked her email. This happened in 2015.

I read both of these letters carefully and decided that my only response was to shred the letters.

These three women are just bad memories, and after years, it's a mystery to me why they asked, needed, and wanted my forgiveness. is.

I don't want to get in touch with them anymore.

Making mistakes is certainly human, and forgiveness may be sacred, but forgiveness is optional.

– Past Completion

Dear Completion:Thank you for your feedback on this.

I think the pandemic experience and isolation, and the simple march of time, have led many to ponder their choices.

You don't say how these women expressed themselves, but these solicitations look more demanding. (It's also possible that Ms. Wine and Crafting is performing one of the twelve steps.)

In my experience, full forgiveness The form is personally reached and as a request or response to a request.

I fully understand your reaction here, but I think you are grateful to these people.

Dear Amy:My husband and I were transferred from the Midwest to the East Coast 10 years ago.

The place we live in has great world-class dining options and we appreciate the benefits of living here.

When returning to the Midwest, there are certain comfort foods carried by moms and pop restaurants and carryouts that we miss.

Sometimes it's diving, sometimes it's a chain restaurant we don't have.

The problem is that her friend "Annie" inserts herself into our plans and always eats at the expensive places she wants to go. That's what I'm claiming.

If you want to go to your favorite greasy spoon for professional reasons (Wednesday is pot roast day), Annie says: A place that offers a limited menu and elite cuisine.

This is fine for a single meal, but this happens during our visit and we don't even stay at her house.

Sometimes I just want burgers and local pizzas, not fillets, poached salmon and escargots.

How can I avoid these conflicts? Except not letting her know that we are in town.

– Baltimore Stu

Dear Stu:This is not about cooking. This means that when someone else asserts their wishes, they can assert their wishes.

It's your visit. You have the right to eat wherever you want.

Here are some words to try: "I was able to eat" fancy "one night, but at other times I'm excited to be able to revisit my favorite comfort food.

Dear Amy:I was completely surprised at your reaction to "Charlie", who put an old photo of his ex-wife on the album.

If his current wife for many years is plagued by these pictures, he needs to get rid of them. I can't believe you actually suggested sending them back. It will just create more drama.

– Stunned

Dear stunned:The response to my answer was universal NO.

opening envelope

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