DEAR DEIDRE: CALLING his boss, late at night, wasn’t the brightest thing I’ve done, but I needed to know if my husband was cheating.
My husband was staying away in a hotel for a work’s night out and I was convinced he was going to cheat with a female colleague.
I’m 45, my husband is 49 and we have been married for 20 years. This colleague is 39 and very attractive.
It’s probably a blessing but his boss didn’t answer and I don’t think he mentioned it to my husband.
But this isn’t the first time I’ve called his boss to check up on him.
A few months ago I called when they were on a team-building weekend.
That time, I got through and asked for his reassurance that my husband wasn’t straying.
They were all out for a meal and his boss became very annoyed with me.
I could even hear my husband in the background telling his boss to hang up on me.
This time I came clean with my husband when he returned.
He wasn’t amused and apparently my call explained why his boss had been short and rude with him the next day.
My husband has insisted he stayed in his room, alone, but I have trust issues after discovering he was looking at dating sites.
I don’t think he actually met any of these women but it shook my world — I always thought I could count on him.
But I can’t rest and worry all the time that he is up to something.
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I know our marriage issues have nothing to do with my husband’s boss, but I needed to know what was going on.
I suspect that even if he knew something he wouldn’t tell me. I am now left feeling stupid.
DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you feel hurt and betrayed.
Your trust in your husband was damaged when you discovered he was on dating sites.
Marriage is a private relationship. If you wanted to know whether he was cheating, it would have been better to talk to him, not involve his boss.
That said, your husband is not hearing just how distressed you are. Sit him down and say you two need a serious talk.
If there is something missing in your relationship, pinpoint it together and work on how to achieve it.
It’s vital for your husband to know how to make you feel secure and safe in your relationship.
Keep your focus firmly on your marriage and how the two of you can work together to make it stronger.
My support pack Relationship MOT will help get the conversation started.
And please, make a promise to never call his boss again.
