DEAR DEIDRE: MY massage parlour habit is costing me a small fortune . . . I’m burning through £200 minimum every fortnight – this can’t go on.
I’m a married man of 49 and my wife is 44. I love her, but we haven’t had sex for two years.
I’m an accountant and my wife hasn’t worked since we had our two sons, who are now both grown-up.
I have an alter ego, though.
That’s when I dress up as “Stacey” and visit a massage parlour in town.
My wife thinks I’m at golf club meetings, but I quit the committee 18 months ago.
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Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained councillors.
I’d been rejected by my wife for sex once too often.
I went on a website for hook-ups and saw a woman advertising massages in a place about 20 minutes from home.
She told me over the phone she could give me a massage with a “happy ending” or more.
She explained that there are plenty of professionals and presentable people who enjoy her company.
But it was when she assured me she doesn’t mind what people are into that my ears really pricked up.
I love dressing up and if we are ever invited to a fancy-dress party, I almost always dress up in stockings and heels.
My secret is that I love the feeling of these clothes against my skin.
So I changed into a dress for my massage parlour visit.
My masseuse was about 30, said she loved my outfit and stroked my legs. It felt amazing.
When we went to have sex, it was all I could do to hold back and it was over in a matter of seconds.
She joked that I needed to last longer to get my money’s worth.
From then on, I started visiting regularly. My wife isn’t suspicious about where I am but I can’t keep spending all this money.
Do you think I’m addicted to sex?
DEIDRE SAYS: From what you say it’s hard to know if you are simply frustrated, or whether you have become addicted.
But one thing is for sure – you are jeopardising your marriage and perhaps your sexual health by cheating.
Have you talked properly to your wife? Does she even like sex?
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t both be enjoying a good sex life as part of a loving relationship.
Find a moment to tell her you miss the intimacy. If she’s willing to try, start with a sensual massage where there’s no pressure to have sex – this will bring you closer.
My support pack called Saving Your Sex Life has other tips.
For emotional support regarding “Stacey”, contact The Beaumont Society, (beaumontsociety.org.uk, 01582 412 220).
