JENNIFER Lopez "felt like she was going to die" after she split from fiancé Ben Affleck in 2004.
The Let's Get Loud singer, 53, has admitted she has spent almost two decades "spiralling" before rekindling her relationship with the Armageddon actor last year.
Jennifer told Zane Lowe on Apple Music 1 on the 20th anniversary of her third album This Is Me…Then she was so broken by the break-up she tried to bury the songs into the back of her mind.
The superstar said: "Dude, I wouldn't even perform these records. It was so painful after we broke up.
"Once we called off that wedding 20 years ago, it was the biggest heartbreak of my life. I honestly felt like I was going to die. It sent me on a spiral for the next 18 years where I just couldn't get it right. But now, 20 years later, it does have a happy ending."
The couple tied the knot twice over the summer.
First eloping to Las Vegas in July and then a second ceremony in August at Ben's home in Georgia in front of friends and family.
Jennifer continued: "It has the most would-never-happen-in-Hollywood ending. 'That would never happen. We're not going to write that because nobody would believe it' ending.
"It's funny because when me and Ben got back together, he was like, 'You never performed the songs. You never did I'm Glad. You never did this. You never did that.'
"I was like, 'You're right. It was painful.' It was a part of me then that I had to put away to move on and survive. It was a survival tactic, for sure."
I'm Glad was the third single of Jen's This is Me... Then, which was an open letter about finding The One in Ben.
She sings: "I'm glad when you walk you hold my hand/ I'm happy that you know how to be a man/ I'm glad that you came into my life.
Months after recording the song they were over.
Ben and Jen met in 2002 on the set of 2003 film Gigli.
Reminiscing on how it wasn't love at first sight, Jen said: "I think what happened is, as we worked together, we became such good friends.
"We realised that we were crazy about each other. I found myself kind of thinking about him after the movie was over. And having to take care of my own business, because I was coming out of a relationship at that time.
"But it's like you just knew it. It's just like, 'This is the person I want to be with.' And that happened over a period of months. It wasn't an instant thing because we weren't allowed to do that. Yeah, it kind of grew over time."
Jennifer Lopez's full interview with Zane Lowe is available to stream on Apple Music 1 now.
