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Voice: Why do you ask this one terrible question every time a woman is killed?

A few weeks after the murder of an elementary school teacherSabinaNessaon Google The most frequently asked question was "What was Sabina Nessa wearing?"

Instead of being informed about her elementary school teacher career, her love for makeup and bags, and her love for her three pet cats, she quickly searched for her 28-year-old name. Readers are presented with the question of how to pick up fruit from the club apple tree in their parents' backyard, or how her family can desperately mourn herduring the Eid. ..

Wrong entries appear to have been removed, but they are only part of the search engine's fault as they are generally determined by what the user is looking for. This perfectly shows one of the biggest lies we tell. About violence against women myself. In short, the woman partially blames the tragic fate that falls upon them. What Sabina did or didn't do was the reason behind what happened to her (at least in part).

As a society, we are always telling this to ourselves. Women are victims of male violence. Instead of tackling gender-based violence from the beginning, we are using men to prepare women to avoid becoming victims.

This is wrong. The whole of our approach needs to turn that head over. But that's not all we tell ourselves about this social illness. We also believe in falsehoods about violent men. In other words, only monsters, that is, people around society, are violent. However, in the 2012 TEDx Talkas an educator and author ofThe Macho Paradox,Jackson Katz, these men "crawled out of the swamp and came to town and were annoying. Do a good business and then retreat into the dark. ”In fact, the perpetrators are much more normal than that.

In January 2022, Scotland's MSP Karen Adamtweeted. Not a bogey man under the bed. He is not a Mac wearing a flasher on the street and has no face or name. They are our family, friends and colleagues. They are not scary monsters. But this reality is mixed with the story we woven around violence. Think of the most basic of rape myths, even the myths of stranger danger.

Contrary to what we believe, most sexual attacks on women are known to the victims, rather than being carried out by random men lurking in the dark.done by people who are. Only 16% of rapes are committed by strangers.According to the criminal investigation,the most likely perpetrators are partners or ex-partners (44%). Sociologist Michael Flood said: Rape's vision is for a stranger to jump out of a bush and physically attack or injure a woman with a weapon. Affects most women. However, aUN surveyfound that more than 70% of British women experienced public sexual harassment. This number rises to 97% between the ages of 18 and 24. More than half of the women experienced cat calls, 40% were groped, one-third were tracked, and one in five faced vulgar exposure.

Young women are not exempt – Girl Guiding's 2015 survey of 1,574 young girlsfound that 81% experienced or witnessed sexual activity in the week prior to the survey. I found that. According to the latest criminal investigations in England and Wales, this is not the big picture.Less than 1 in 6 victims(16%) actually reported the attack to the police.

Even if a woman reports it, we tell ourselves yet another truth. That is, there is a significant proportion of women who make false accusations for their own benefit. Despite all the evidence showing such cases, the forged story Bogeyman stays long.

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In 2013, Crown Prosecution Service (CPS)published a reportinvestigating this phenomenon. During the 17 months, there were a total of 5,651 rape charges and 35 false allegations of rape during the same period. This is 0.62%. Even among those few, the CPS said, "In some cases, the person allegedly making a false report was arguably the victim of some crime, even if he or she did not." I concluded.

Statistics show that far more likely than false accusations are incredible when a woman is telling the truth. In 2014, a joint government-police surveillancereportshowed a "culture of distrust" as police canceled up to one-third of all allegations of rape reported.

All of these lies help tell a false story about the person responsible for the violence and what can be done against it, mitigating changes in men. But all the biggest lies. Extreme violence such as against Sabina,Sarah Everard, orZara Aleenahas nothing to do with other inequality.

There may be tremendous resistance to linking sexualism and sexual violence to a woman's decline in economic, social and cultural status, but this sub-status is implicit. It is related. When society sees women's needs, desires, ambitions, intellect, abilities, leadership next to men, and women being dehumanized, it is a condition for men to use controls to further meet their needs. Because it creates.

How men can help: A guide to undoing harm and becoming a better allySophie Gallagher July 7 From Welbeck on Sunday, £ 12.99