Dear McKoy: I am 28 years old and I am having trouble cumming during sex. I love my boyfriend and love having sex with him, but I just can’t cum. It doesn’t bother me, but I think it’s starting to bother him. I love the sex but I think he thinks I’m pretending to enjoy it, which isn’t true. I have been with other men and I have never cum before. I love him very much but now it’s putting pressure on me to climax. He keeps asking why I can’t cum and I don’t even know why myself. Just looking for some advice.
-T.Williams
Dear T. Williams: You need to have an open discussion with your partner. Let him know that you love him and love having sex with him, however, you have never had an orgasm with a partner. Tell him that you would love to experience that moment with him but you don’t want it to be an expectation because the pressure won’t help. He might honestly not understand that you can enjoy sex without having an orgasm, so reassure him that you do. The brain is the largest sex organ and too much Pressure can kill an orgasm because you focus on what you “should” be feeling, rather than what you are feeling.
Maybe you’re not in the moment, self-conscious, or need something unique that isn’t recreated when you two have sex. Most women don’t have an orgasm just because they’re being penetrated. They also need clitoral stimulation. Try masturbating, introducing toys, or asking him if he is willing to stimulate your clitoral area orally. Once you’ve had an orgasm, you’ll definitely know what it feels like. Good luck!
