The Bible says it quite distinctly – train up a child in the way he should go, and that when they are old, they will not depart from it. And training up a child is a major responsibility for parents and guardians, and most of them are not doing the training, according to pastor and now life management coach Ricardo Miller, an advocate for life management in churches.
Miller acknowledged that parenting is hard and becoming even harder because of the changing times. He said parents can do everything right and still feel like they failed as a parent, because they judge their success as parents on the success of their children. And the future of The Bahamas depends on parents doing battle with the next generation.
“The most influential person in a child’s life is his or her parent,” said Miller. “It is critically important that we get better at highlighting what’s right and what’s wrong in parenting, to help those who need all the help they can get.”
Miller said most people would think his focus should be on how to succeed as a parent, but he instead chose to provide indicators of failing as a parent. And that his intention is not to make anyone feel bad, but about challenging people to change their behavior.
“The Bible teaches us in 2 Timothy 2:15 to ‘Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth’; I strongly believe that this is related to parenting as well,” said Miller.
“It is super important that we study what to do and what not to do. There are some clear telltale signs that a person is failing as a parent, and nobody wants to talk about it.”
Miller, father to a 21-year-old son, said one thing he hears over and over from parents is that they feel like they are failing as parents.
“We’ve all felt overwhelmed with the weight of parenthood at one time or another. We’re frustrated and helpless, like we have no idea what we’re doing – that’s real talk. The goal should be to do your very best with what you know and make a strong commitment to discover what you don’t know.”
He said parenting could be a lot easier if adults do the work as parents to become better skilled in raising their children. And that as his son attained his 21st birthday that it made him reflect on parenting.
“A few years ago, I wrote a book on ‘Parenting with Purpose’ to help those who are struggling. I was a children’s minister for more than 24 years and grew up in a single-parent home. I realize the struggle is real with parenting today’s children.
Clear indicators that show a person failing as a parent according to Miller are:
• Not displaying adequate affection.
• Not acknowledging or celebrating achievements or jobs well done.
• Always having a criticizing tone.
• Setting poor examples in the areas of faith, family, finances, health and fun.
• The child is reprimanded even if they speak the truth.
• You are unwilling to have difficult conversations with your child/children.
• Constantly comparing one child to another. He said parents should realize each child has different gifts and learning curves.
• You were not prepared to have a child and you’re not doing the research to find out how to properly raise your child.
Miller encourages parents to think about the indicators and identify which areas they struggle with when it comes to parenting.
“The goal is to do the very opposite to these bad parenting points,” he said.
“None of us are perfect. I have not been perfect as a parent, but I’ve discovered some things that can make a huge difference in parenting children in today’s world.”
He also urges parents to not beat themselves up over the points he provides, but to instead allow them to motivate them to learn and change.
“Positive motivation can help you do better in raising your child/children successfully. After you’ve done all that you can, and you commit to studying and learning what you could improve upon, you must be willing to give it all to God.”
He reminded parents that it is not about what their child does and who they become over time, but a reminder as to what they can do better as a parent.
“I teach my coaching clients that a growing child needs a growing parent,” said Miller. “Think about how you are going to grow moving forward to help your children and grandchildren.”
