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Ask Amy: The officiant feels demoted because he is the groom's attendant

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Amy Dickinson •  Specializing in post-media networks
A bride and a groom have upset their wedding officiant.
A The bride and groom upset their wedding officiant.File Photo Photo/Getty Images

Dear Amy:My husband and I are two dear friends, me as a bridesmaid and my husband as an official. I was involved in a wedding. ..

Originally, they asked my husband to be a groom's attendant. They later asked if he was willing to do the ceremony instead.

This is not his profession, but he was happy to devote himself to preparing for their day.

During a wedding rehearsal, I learned that he was left behind from his bachelorette party the night before.

He did not receive a gift (the bridesmaid and groomsmaid each received a small gift) and was excluded from the photo of the groomsman – especially with the couple at least 1 Until you request a photo.

He had never discussed compensation with them.

For our wedding, we paid our officials (also non-priests) for his time, as well as for travel and accommodation.

I thought this was customary. Our friend's wedding was also hours away, so at least I thought they might give him a small gift for his time.

I don't think this is meant to be trivial. The couple was clearly pleased that we were both there on a special day.

It is wrong to expect something different.

My husband and I are hurt by this because it feels like we have been demoted after agreeing to a more important role.

Should I say something or leave this in the past?

– Wedding Injured

Dear Injured:A person who holds a position at a wedding is even if he is a friend of the ceremony. However, it is standard to compensate. freedom. This reward is provided in the form of a person's travel, hotel room payments, cash gifts, and / or yes – a gift of appreciation recognizing the important role the officer played at the wedding.

Strongly say that if the groom invites your husband to a bachelorette party and the couple welcomes him into a group photo, this is really his feeling and you won't ask about her compensation. I feel it. Not demoted, excluded, and evaluated. And I agree with his reaction.

This couple blew it away.

In their minds, he actually became a member of the priesthood, as if he had asked her husband to do the job (naturally enjoying a bachelorette party). May not be possible).

If you can leave this in the past, definitely do so. Otherwise, your husband said, "I was honored to hold your ceremony, but to be honest, after that I felt like I was demoted from the groom's attendant. I was surprised that I didn't attend the party. You know I'm not a real priest. "

Dear Amy:I've been for a few months We went with a woman for a while (we are retired), and we agreed to date each other exclusively.

But when I'm away, she advises a 30-year-old man to eat out or just hang out with her.

When I tell her I'm not happy with this, she says they've been friends for two years and nothing romantic is happening between them say.

That may be the case for now, but I can't help but feel that this will eventually develop into a romantic relationship.

I have a very strong feeling for her and if we break up I would be devastated, but it's very difficult for me to continue this way. what can i do.

– Exclusive OR.

Dear Exclusive: If two people are dating exclusively, you will naturally want to introduce each other to your friends on both sides as you move forward. You don't seem to have met the caller of your female friend's gentleman, but this would be a good first step.

If your girlfriend hesitates or refuses to introduce you to her friend, they seem to be in an exclusive relationship. In this context, "exclusive" means that you are excluded from the three.

Dear Amy:"Stomachin Knots" is a very worried grandmother who saw her grandchildren basically force-fed by their children's parents.

Amy, there is an eating disorder epidemic in this country (at both ends of the spectrum), which is one of the reasons.

– Upset

Dear upset:I didn't interpret this as "force-feeding", but young parents are typical of "your" Plate with infants "phase.

Your concerns are completely valid, so I certainly hope you have read this right.

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