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Dear Amy:I have a difficult marriage and suffer from health problems and depression.
I also have two children with special needs. One day I need all my energy to deal with everything on my plate.
I felt very lonely because I had a hard time managing these challenges.
My mother's opinion is that people are victims when they talk about their challenges, but I don't. My therapist says this tendency causes problems for me.
She is not the kind of mom who provides help or is interested in my life. It was a pain for me.
We all live in the same town and take turns for dinner and holidays.
Mom did some kind things, such as unloading goods for my children. We always thank her directly or call her to thank her, but she expects her written thank you for every gesture.
I am very grateful, but after already verbally thanking her, the energy and brain space to write and mail her thank you Often there is no.
My intention is not rude – I'm just overwhelmed.
After she and my dad come to dinner, they each write a thank-you note and mail it to us. Without the pointed note nature, it would be very sweet. That means we aren't doing the same thing.
It is moving a larger wedge between us.
What should I do?
– Ingratiating Ingratitude
Dear Ingratiating:Thank-you notes are intended to express gratitude and provide senders and recipients with moments of joy. It is said.
Thank you notes are not intended to be used as a tool for passive and aggressive people to dominate their manners more than others.
Oral thanks – face-to-face or telephone delivery – should be considered appropriate and appropriate thanks, especially when expressing to family members who meet on a regular basis.
It's probably great for you to encourage your children to draw, write, or email a message of love for their grandparents without any special reason.
I suggest that your people may be playing a little "who did it well" game with you. So – declare them a victor. Looking at them, we can say: You are very good at it-and thank you for understanding that I can never keep up.
Dear Amy:I work closely with my colleagues, always snorting, coughing, like a cat coughing hairballs, I'm ringing the bellch and hacking.
This goes on every day, all day long.
I know she has allergies as well as asthma.
She forces Berch, does not cover her mouth, and coughs sputum into the tissue without washing her hands.
We are nurses and her patients listen to her. She also does this while treating the patient in their room.
Her sound became intolerable, so I tried to avoid working with her.
When she was at her nurse's desk or hallway, she said she could hear her voice in the hospital room, but she just laughed and said, "I'm sorry."
I talked to her boss, and I know she talked about it, but it goes on.
What can you do?
Dear frustrated:You may be frustrated, but speaking as a potential patient, I'm scared.
Yes, the sounds your colleagues make are annoying to you and others. Still, I got caught up in this phrase: "I spit sputum into her tissue without washing her hands."
Ike. (You can spend a few paragraphs on the global epidemic caused by highly contagious viruses that spread, such as coughing, but this lecture spares readers.)
You I am a medical worker. Work directly with the patient.
Your fellow nurse is clearly unable to prevent some of her urges because of her health. However, this hand-washing issue needs to be addressed and all health and safety-related protocols must be strictly adhered to.
She should be reassigned for the well-being of her and everyone else.
Dear Amy:I was surprised at your reaction to the "accidental witness" who saw her husband kissing the breast of her family.
My experience of being deceived was that a deeper, more humiliating betrayal came from people who didn't bother to teach me.
With the scammers, I dropped them all out of my life forever.
– I was there
Dear I was there:The "accidental witness" kept giving this (difficult) job to others. Thank you very much.
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