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Ask Amy: This loving couple needs to learn to speak

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Amy Dickinson  •  Postmedia Network Special Edition
Getting a spouse to engage in a conversation would require a different approach.
Spouse A different approach is required to allow people to participate in the conversation. Photo by file photo /Getty Images

Dear Amy: I have been married to her husband for ten years. I have a 5 year old son.

My husband is wonderful. But he has absolutely no interest in what's going on in my life. He never asks me how my day is or asks for additional details about anything, even though he knows something important is going on

I have expressed this frustration many times. He may ask once, but he will never ask again.

When I ask him about his day, he always says "usual."

How can I get him to care about what is going on in my life.

– Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: Most of us learn our communication styles from the families we come from. Your husband may have learned very early on that keeping quiet was best for him.

You don't seem to care.

It looks like you two don't know how to have an intimate conversation. It takes practice.

Just because you love and care for each other doesn't mean you can read each other's minds.

Talking is really necessary.

If, when you ask her husband what happened that day, and your husband always answers, "...usually," he will provide information for you and the two of you to have a conversation. I have not.

As children get a little older, they may encounter similar movements.

("How was school?" "Good.")

Further "open-ended" questions may draw him out. Instead of "How was your day?" try saying "Tell me about your day."

Not only does your husband not talk about himself, he is unresponsive, but this does not necessarily mean that he does not care what is happening to you.

82} One suggestion is to "call a meeting." In my family (which is sometimes very crowded) we sometimes call meetings when we discuss something important.

The presence of a mobile phone (even if it is face down on a table) There is evidence that it suppresses communications.

Learning to communicate intimately is not easy, but it is possible.

The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide to Strengthening Marriage, Family and Friendships, by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire (2002, Harmony).

Renowned relationship researcher John Gottman has done important work deciphering how people "bid" for connections.

Once you recognize your communication patterns, you can begin to change the way you interact, which in turn affects others.

Dear Amy: I just found out that her husband put her mother-in-law (his mother) as the first contact on her driver's license, so she I was angry with my husband. He listed me as his second contact.

Am I overreacting or selfish? It hurts because I am his wife.

– Wounded

Dear Wounded: Depending on where you live, you may have emergency contacts on national "emergency contact" databases/websites. It has been. In this way, law enforcement agencies have quick access to these contacts and can easily update them.

It may have been your husband's instinct to list his mother as an emergency contact, but it may be a bad choice.

If your husband had an accident, who would be more likely to respond quickly, his mother or you? Most likely, assuming you are healthy and capable and have your phone nearby and charging at all times.

Still, I think you are overreacting.

Depending on how healthy your relationship is, this seems like a curious choice rather than intentionally hurtful.

Dear Amy: "Betrayed" her betrayed mother when her cousin was in the care of an elderly woman. I used it," he said angrily.

From a financial standpoint, if her cousin had only spent her 40 hours a week on her minimum wage, she would have been paid $1,160 a month.

but I think she was taking care of her mother 24/7.

The cousin had to completely change her routine to suit her aunt, but apparently her daughter did not want to.

Caregivers provide a lifeline for those who are no longer able to care for themselves, at the expense of time, energy, autonomy, and sometimes health.

The betrayed person should "forgive" himself and thank his cousin.

– Mother cared for

Dear Caretaker: "Betrayed" made other charges against her cousin, but was From that point of view, the cousin absolutely should have been compensated for her services.

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