Martine St-Victor: Valentine's Day may mean more than I thought

Collectively, we've never felt lonelier. How do we reverse that trend?

It was by playing a few seconds of the song The Look of Love that, earlier this week, that an arts journalist broke the news on ICI Première that Canadian songstress Diana Krall would be a headliner at this year’s Montreal International Jazz Festival. It has been 10 years since Krall, a Grammy winner and darling of the music scene, has performed at the marquee event.

Hearing part of the hit melody, on talk radio, caught me off-guard, but, simultaneously, it reminded me that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. That I had forgotten is inexplicable. Retailers have been bombarding us with red-themed decorations and all types of heart-shaped items since a minute after Christmas.

It’s a marketing tactic that seems to work more in Quebec than in most of the rest of Canada. A recent survey revealed that the country’s biggest spenders on Valentine’s Day were British Columbians, but Quebecers came in second, with those in a relationship planning to spend $115.20, on average. How many Hershey’s kisses is that?

Beyond the candy and the mercantile aspect of Feb. 14, the impending date has me reflecting on connectivity and its effects on our collectivity. Never have we had as many tools to stay in touch as we do today. In work environments, we’ve abused technological progress, and consequently, various companies, provinces and countries have variations of “Right to disconnect” policies and legislation. For families, all the messaging options have become essential. Ask anyone who willingly — or not — is in a WhatsApp group chat of three people or more. It’s like an interactive family newsletter.

Even so, we’ve collectively never felt lonelier. Last year, 35 per cent of Canadians said they always or often felt lonely. One-third of those were living with other people. Since 2000, divorce rates have been steadily increasing. Of course, there are a variety of social and economic explanations, however most relationship counsellors point to a breakdown of communication to explain the majority of breakups. Paradoxical, isn’t it? So much disconnect, despite all the tools to stay connected. It reminds me of the Springsteen song 57 Channels (And Nothin’ On).

How do we reverse the trend? Not the one about the divorce rate, per se. Love is a cycle and breaking up can be part of it. Plus there’s no merit in staying in a relationship that no longer brings us joy. And, choosing to be alone and being lonely are two very different and distinct realities.

But rather, how do we try to slow the prevalence of loneliness? We often use the treatment of elderly people as a barometer by which to judge a country, a province or a society. Perhaps the number of people who feel lonely should also be an indicator. Loneliness is a public health issue, as many affected by it suffer from depression and die younger. Is the answer to make the topic less taboo? Britain and Japan, for example, have Ministers of Loneliness. Is it time for the federal government and Quebec to create similar ministries? Times change and so do our social malaises. Governments need to adjust.

In the meantime, the work and the responsibility start in our respective communities. I have often struggled with how to be a better citizen. This involves more than just voting when there is an election. Knowing loneliness is such an issue — and not just for older citizens — it’s time that I, and others who feel they are not contributing enough, volunteer or donate to local organizations that have initiatives targeting isolation.

Feb. 14 might have lost some of its charms because of the day’s growing commercialization, but as loneliness threatens to become pandemic, getting a heart-shaped box of chocolate is not as cheesy as I once thought.

A happy Valentine’s Day to all those celebrating it.

Martine St-Victor is general manager of Edelman Montreal and a media commentator. Instagram and Twitter: martinemontreal