Reviews and recommendations are fair and products are selected independently I am. Postmedia may earn affiliate commissions from purchases made via the links on this page.
Why do we stay in a relationship that does not serve our best interests?
This is a question that has plagued humans for many years (perhaps a cave resident has never picked up stinky hunting equipment from his partner and the cave next door. Because I realized that I would sneak up frequently. Midnight). Dr. Monica Vermani, a clinical psychologist and author ofA Deeper Wellness: Conquering Stress, Mood, Anxiety and Traumas, is where we stay. Most of the reasons for doing unhealthy relationships are related to blueprints – interacting, treating other people, and harmful treatments from others resulting from our childhood experience. Learned or modeled how to accept.
"We often intentionally and unknowingly repeat these patterns, if we are accustomed to certain treatments (childhood, friendships, past relationships). , That's all you get. You might wonder what love is, "she said in a recent email interview.
Vermani says it is not uncommon for toxic people to sympathize with their partners and abusers. "They understand where the bad behavior of their partner comes from (often the location of the trauma). Empathy and empathy for their partner leads to complacency and remains an unhealthy and toxic relationship. In their abuse. Often, victims of abuse say that they can "fix" or "heal" their toxic partners because only they can see good in them. believe.
It doesn't help to be surrounded by examples of toxic relationships and patterns. "Movies, television and other media make toxic relationship stories perpetual as fun, macho, rude, normal, acceptable, healthy, and evenambitious. Often, and often mimics these unhealthy relational models, "says Vermani.
(Think of it: a romantic comedy aloof jerk that "must be loved by the right woman" to be a nice guy hero.)
I don't know if your relationship is unhealthy. Vermani said: In your relationship, you are confused and anxious, not solid and secure with your partner. You may also feel a lack of support or "your interests, needs, goals are not important, or you do not share the joy of your success and happiness."
As a result, people in a toxic relationship can always be stressed. It's unrealistic to assume that you're always happy, but Vermani states that "individuals need to worry about longer days of anxiety, sadness, stress, upset / frustration in their relationships."
Lack of sound communication is another warning sign. For example, "screaming, anger, irritability, provocation can be a regular part of the communication between you and your partner. Silent treatments and other penalties are directed at you. As a result, communication may be withheld, "says Vermani.
Getting yourself out of an unhealthy relationship begins with recognizing that you are of better value and "promising to change," Vermani says. She encourages people to repeat her affirmations, "I deserve the best, choose my best and the best, restless" Tell yourself this every day. "Believe it, and you'll be ready to make a difference," she says.
Once she decides to quit, Vermani says it's important to stick to her decision and limit contact with her unhealthy partner. "Do something healthy, even if it feels painful. We are habitual creatures and it is difficult to change the patterns we enter," she says.
To assist in the transition, Vermani has built a network of support for friends and family for people, "if possible, guilt, shame, denial, and pleasing people." , A matter of self-esteem. "
Finally, work on your own. “Before you can attract a partner who can build a healthy relationship, you need to work on your self-esteem and be strong and healthy in your life,” says Vermani.
As Vermani reminds us, we attract: “If you try to be the kind of person you want to attract, you can find someone who can build a healthy and equal partnership.”
From the newsroom to the noon inbox, Toronto Sun's latest headlines, stories, opinions and photos. By clicking the
Thank you for registering.
A welcome email has been sent. If you don't see it, check your junk folder.
Your Midday Sun's next issue will arrive in your inbox shortly.
