THIS week’s column was indirectly suggested when a reader asked me how to pass the days when he was alone at home because he was attempting self-improvement. I think many people struggle with this, myself included. When I try to stay home on weekends to ensure a healthier life, I feel the boredom will kill me faster than the unhealthy life I could be living. Obviously, everyone gets bored sometimes, and that can cause more serious emotions, such as loneliness, to arise. Self-improvement tends to look like staying in, saving money, consuming less alcohol and unhealthy foods, spending less time around people that may be toxic, avoiding places where you may run into these and other toxic people and the list goes on.
While these are all things that would be beneficial in the long run, it does- in the short term- equate to a pretty quiet and ‘boring’ life. I have spent a lot of time wondering what can lessen these feelings of boredom, and then I wondered if these simple tasks of trying to improve your life- can these tasks themselves alleviate boredom? I’m going to share where my thoughts went and how I decided to look at it in the hope that many of you who are trying to do the same will choose progression over what seems like a boring life.
It is true that taking action to become mentally and physically healthy can take a negative toll on a few things. You do not socialise as much, and if you do, you leave places a lot earlier and more sober, and for some people, it brings the fear of missing out on any fun. Then for some, you go home and are alone and bored and wonder if this healthy life is worth it. Well, let’s discuss how self-compassion and kindness can aid in avoiding boredom and loneliness.
Boredom is a universal experience, but we all experience it differently. Some days I feel bored because I had to read hundreds of pages for work or school or others simply because I have nothing at all to do. In order to alleviate this boredom, we either do healthy or unhealthy things. Healthy meaning participating in hobbies that promote good health- such as playing a sport; unhealthy meaning participating in activities that do not promote health, such as going drinking with your friends.
At its core, boredom is literally defined as a “search for neutral stimulation that isn’t being satisfied”. One can only assume, that if we don’t find it, we can only be or are going to actively look for it and hopefully, we are looking in the right places.
It is important to first figure out what makes you bored. Forget one slow day, are you bored overall? Stuck in a straight daily routine that you’re tired of? Monotony can be hard to endure. Are you bored or lonely when you have to spend a day alone? When no one else is doing anything?
Self-care is very in right now, but like everything else, it has been massively commercialised to be these extravagant vacations, meals or spa days. True self-care requires none of that. It is simply doing what will make you feel mentally, physically and emotionally healthy in the long run. If self-care was about instant gratification, it would be mainly unhealthy habits.
Embracing the ‘boring’ parts of self-care is necessary. These can include missing out on parties to wake up early for a workout or meditation or a quiet day at home to avoid drinking and eating unhealthy foods. This can easily be done (with practice!) using self-compassion.
Being self-compassionate aids us in understanding and appreciating our own self-worth. It is the antidote to self-criticism as it allows us to understand that we are not alone in our struggles. If we are able to assume our self-worth, and recognise that anguish is a natural part of the human experience, we are able to incite more self-love as well as a connection to others. If we can genuinely feel this way, would we feel bored doing calm and healthy things alone? Would we feel the need to go out and participate in things that are unhealthy for us? Would we feel the need to spend time with people who bring toxicity in our lives?
There are a few ways to work on self–compassion, and they all take daily practice before it feels natural. The first thing to do is begin noticing and changing any negative thoughts or self-talk. Many of us are extremely self-critical, but we can reframe these to allow for more kindness. An example, I’ve heard many people call themselves failures or stupid if they do not achieve something as perfectly as they wanted to. I always try to get them to reframe it by saying, “While I did not get the result I wanted, I am self-aware enough to know where I went wrong and am resilient enough to try again.” Believe me, it works wonders and goes a very long way.
I always tell people to speak to themselves the way you would speak to a friend. If they came to you with a problem, you wouldn’t call them a failure nor tell them to give up. Think of the words of advice and encouragement you would give to them, and then turn that inward.
Also, if I have a point to prove, I always look for the science behind it. A research study showed that boredom sparks and greatly increases productivity and creativity. Scientists studied hundreds of people within a wide age range, splitting them into groups of two. They gave one group boredom-inducing tasks of sorting beans into colours and they let the others interact with each other, play games and do interesting craft activities. After, they asked all participants to do the same task- to come up with excuses for being late that wouldn’t make someone look bad. Ironically, the participants who were sorting the beans and reported being extremely bored doing so performed better on the idea-generating tasks, coming up with a larger quantity as well as more creative excuses. Therefore, if you are waiting for brilliance to strike, try getting bored first.
Being kind to yourself is easier than it seems. Think of small things that make you genuinely happy, that bring you healthy joy and do them as often as possible. Also look at the time alone as a good opportunity for kind self-reflection. What are your true values and goals? Are there any more changes you’d like to make in your life?
Just remember that practising a ‘boring’ self-compassionate lifestyle can help us stay our best, healthiest, energised and more resilient for those times when we do choose to indulge in a more ‘interesting’ time.
Thank you for reading, and please continue to send topic suggestions to caitlinvieira@gmail.com
