Namibia
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Namibia’s Unconventional Criminal Wisdom

Namibia seems to be witnessing a rise in clever antics that leave law enforcement scratching their heads.

The ingenuity displayed by these criminals may not be contributing to nation-building, but it’s hard to deny the sheer entertainment value offered.

Take, for instance, the audacious visitor who managed to smuggle marijuana into a police holding cell concealed within a potato chip bag. It must be Simba, for sure.

Gone are the days of the rectal hiding technique; these criminals now believe in the ‘hide it in plain sight’ approach. One can’t help but wonder if they’ll soon be selling snacks on the side with their illicit goods – two-for-one combo deal!

The fuel smugglers from Angola have also upped their game to evade police patrols. A pinky in the air and then pointing down says “Toppa laat ons gaan”.

Reports indicate that they’ve devised a unique sign language to communicate with their buyers. The Namibian Police, however, seem to be struggling with decoding this criminal dialect, since the only sign they know is the classic middle finger salute.

Perhaps the police should all enrol at the school for the deaf for sign language lessons to level the playing field.

Then there was the unfortunate encounter with a robber and a pastor in a classic battle between good and evil. The criminals thought they could take advantage of the pastor’s faith when they tried to rob him of the day’s tithe collection.

Little did they know that the pastor also placed faith in his little friend, the gun, and not just prayer. Armed with bullets dipped in holy water, he turned the tables on the unsuspecting thieves. It’s a true testament to the age-old battle between good and evil, where holiness and firepower go hand in hand.

This event also sparked an intriguing question: were most pastors in Namibia former criminals turned holy men? Is there an untold past of mischief and mayhem behind the serene smiles and scriptures?

Perhaps they’ve simply channelled their once-criminal energy into spiritual endeavours, leaving behind a life of illicit pursuits. Or could it be that the Holy Spirit itself works in mysterious ways, guiding the actions of its chosen vessel in a hail of bullets?

These questions may seem taboo, but let’s not shy away from embracing the bizarre possibilities.

Now, the grand finale of this peculiar drama is pondering what would happen if these brilliant criminal minds directed their wit and cunning towards non-criminal pursuits. Just imagine a world where they utilised their innovative spirit to build businesses, develop groundbreaking technologies or create art that defies convention.

It could be the birth of an unprecedented era of Namibian ingenuity – one where criminals turned entrepreneurs thrive, and their unconventional wisdom leads to remarkable progress.

Chill, I am not glorifying crime or forgetting the harm it causes to individuals and communities. However, there’s something undeniably captivating about the creativity exhibited by these lawbreakers, even if their efforts are misguided.

Here’s to a future where the criminals of today would be guided into proper entrepreneurship.

Toppa laat ons ge-suspend word.