By Bunmi Sofola
When Amina walked into her mother-in-law’s living room to pick up the three children she was baby-sitting, she found the four of them engrossed in the film they were watching on the television. Thinking it was yet another home video, she was appalled to discover the movie was soft-porn! She shrieked in protest that things like that shouldn’t be shown to the kids who were all under 14 years. The poor mites were watching the film with embarrassed curiosity.
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“Mama,” admonished Amina, “you should be watching this alone when the kids are not around or when you’re in bed!” “Why?” snorted her mother-in-law. “Sooner or later, your kids will be exposed to the cruel adult world and it is better for them to know what to expect than for some perverts to take advantage of them.”
“But what can they learn from watching soft-porn?” Amina wanted to know. “How to make love properly for a start,” continued her worldly-wise mother-in-law-who’s been widowed for years, “and how to tell true love from lust or not let a partner take advantage of you simply because they say they’re in love with you.”
“I left my mother-in-law’s still seething at her thoughtlessness,” continued Amina; “Yet, the more I thought about her views on sex, the more I wondered if I wouldn’t have benefited from such blunt sex education. My parents never told me anything about sex—they just expected me to get out there and learn from experience. And did I learn!
“My first date at 16, hush-hush of course, since I didn’t want my mum to find out what a ‘trollop’ I was, ended in my being raped by my date. He was 18 years old, and our next-door neighbour who’d written dozens of love letters professing his love. The creep had taken me to a friend’s party and on our way home, said we should drop by another friend’s house and spend a few minutes with him. What 1 didn’t know was that he’d so arranged it that as soon as we got to the friend’s room, he would discreetly disappear pretending to get us drinks. By the time the friend came back, I’d been violently raped. I felt so bewildered and ashamed especially when I caught the knowing glance between the lads! Anger flared, but what could I do? I hadn’t even told my parents that I was going anywhere with a bloke! I resolved never to have anything to do with him but I could well have saved myself the stress. He’d moved on himself and didn’t want to know after he’d gotten what he wanted. Thank goodness it didn’t result into any pregnancy. There were a few of my mates who weren’t lucky and to add to their shame, their boyfriends lied callously that they weren’t the only lovers the gullible girls had—resulting in their having either traumatic abortions or raising unwanted kids!”
Bibi, a mother of four and in her 40s, confessed she was sexually assaulted by “someone I’d known for years as a good family friend. He was a friend of my father. My dad was the happy go-lucky type who used to leave pornographic magazines around the house. My mum was always frantically hiding them, but not before we’d furtively looked through them, gasping at the provocative pose of the ‘models’!
“I was in my last year at secondary school when this friend of my dad’s lured me into his house under the pretext of wanting to send some things to my dad. As soon as I got in, he shut the door behind him and started fondling me. The more I protested and tried to fight him off, the more excited he got. He then proceeded to rape me. Afterwards, he stuffed more cash than I’d ever handled, into my fist and told me not to tell anyone so I wouldn’t get into trouble. Unfortunately, my mother, who was always snooping amongst our things, found the money. She thought I’d stolen it. My dad was visibly shaken that he’d raised a ‘thief.
I was forced to tell them where the money came from.
“With me in tow, they both confronted this animal who’d raped me and he didn’t even show any remorse. He told me parents to wise up to the fact that ‘these kids screw around like rabbits’ all the time.