It’s a scrotum pole.
A randy woodworker sent social media into hysterics this week by building a gilded, pyramid-shaped dresser and adorning it with a golden penis.
Janos Kurucz says his so-called “fertility tower” — which is reportedly being sold for $110 on Facebook Marketplace — is an alien-inspired “virility enhancer” perfect for “sex clubs.”
“This is the most amazing opportunity to own a very rare piece!” invites the phallus-festooned furniture’s description on the social media site, Jam Press reported.
Accompanying pics show the pyramidal artwork, which is painted gold, and outfitted with a giant eye and gilded willie like some bizarro obelisk from a lecherous alternate dimension.
Meanwhile, each drawer is outfitted with its own custom skull handle and a giant orange octopus straddles the point of the structure.
The 42-year-old Kurucz, a self-employed artist from Redcar, in the United Kingdom, told Jam Press that he was inspired to create the “fertility tower” after getting possessed by a “very intense creative urge” that was possibly extraterrestrial in origin.
“Designed by an unknown artist, some say they were possessed by a powerful alien entity that was researching earth artists and lived and worked out of 1940s Idaho,” reads the hilarious listing of the not-safe-for-artwork.
“But they time traveled through the astral planes to possess certain individuals in North Yorkshire circa 2017…”
During this time, the extraterrestrial possessed several individuals a la Stephen King’s “The Tommyknockers” and “produced some very underrated art pieces and furniture designs.” In turn, these martian-inspired works “endow those in possession of them insight into realms of infinite knowledge and wisdom,” per the listing.
This particular work purports to increase the buyer’s prowess in the sack.
“Some also say these pieces bring great fortune and luck into the home castles and sex clubs of those in possession of them,” Kurucz teases of the supposed sex-traterrestrial artifact. “This piece seems to be a fertility and virility enhancer from what one can deduct, I must say it’s had a powerful effect on my life whilst being in my possession, I have been strong like bull…”
He added, “This piece isn’t for the faint-hearted, literally I can’t sell it to you if you a heart condition, not with a clear conscience, if you do have a heart condition, I’d like double the price to court my moral compass.”
Kurucz sums up his alleged performance-enhancing piece like this: “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to possess something of a cosmic curio that will radically phase shift your quantum infinite reality tunnels, can be used to aid astral plane travel and inspiration and imagination quartz fragmentation…”
The Post has yet to verify whether the “fertility tower” is for sale publicly, however, the bizarre invention had social media rolling.
“This is the most hilarious thing I’ve read/seen in a long time,” said one bemused commenter, while another wrote, “Think I saw this piece on antiques roadshow,”
“Who in their right mind would want that monstrosity?” gasped another.
“What’s that a c–k as a handle?” another commenter wondered, to which Kurucz replied: “Just give it a quick rub and all your earthly wishes shall be granted.”
The inventor said he was “blown away by the response” to his epic marketplace prank, which he eventually admitted was posted as a goof.
“It seems to have really made people laugh, and a much-needed tonic for such dark times,” exclaimed the inventor.
This isn’t the first phallic artwork to cause a kerfuffle online. In 2017, NYC was plagued by a giant penis mural that had been erected on a building in the Lower East Side.
