Now on Netflix, Fullmetal Alchemist: The Final Alchemy wraps the trilogy of live-action movies adapting the acclaimed manga and anime series. This iteration of the story of two brothers with alchemy powers and their multi-pronged quest to reacquire lost limbs/reacquire lost corporeal states/reacquire lost family members/overthrow a tyrannical government (gasp, pant) is by most accounts the least of the three, having condensed a zillion pages of comics and slightly less than a zillion hours of animation into a paltry six-and-a-half-hours of actors in front of green screens (I’ll reiterate: gasp, pant). But it may nevertheless satisfy the diehard Fulllmetalheads, which seems to be the point of all this.
FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST: THE FINAL ALCHEMY: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?
The Gist: We pick up right where the previous movie, The Revenge of Scar, left off: In the digestive system of a bloated maniac monster-human, which lends whole new meaning to the phrase “in medias res.” Gluttony (Shinji Uchiyama) has eaten Edward Elric (Ryosuke Yamada), Envy (Kanata Hongo) and Ling (Keisuke Watanabe), and fitting for such a situation, they’re trying to get outta there. Meanwhile – and here I lump together several meanwhiles for the sake of brevity – Mustang (Dean Fujiyoka), Alphonse Elric (voice of Atom Mizuishi), Winry (Tsubasa Honda), the Elrics’ father Hohenheim (Seiyo Uchino), Izumi (Haruhi Ryoga), Scar (Mackenyu), May (Monroe Ron) and several others get involved in the multifaceted plot, proving this movie has a significant Too Many Characters problem.
At this point in my career, I consider myself an expert at condensing movie plots into pithy summaries, but I must wave a white flag at The Final Alchemy. I succumbed to the sheer heft of its storytelling girth and details. Fullmetal familiars don’t need me to do that anyway, and if you’re not one of said subsect of fantasy fandom, you’re reading up the wrong tree here, my friend. I will say it involves nefarious conspiratorial forces hoping to bring about the Promised Day, an armageddon that will inflict genocide upon the land. Our heroes, led by the Elric bros., are trying to stop that, and it involves something called a reverse Transmutation Circle, the details of which are too overwhelming to reiterate here, because layers of complexity are added to it with every passing line of expository dialogue – and if there’s something that surpasses the number of characters in this movie, it’s lines of expository dialogue.
There’s also a personal quest here, in which Edward wants to figure out a way to get his arm back, and Alphonse, whose soul is fused to a suit of armor, wants to figure out a way to get his body back. Thankfully, the greater and smaller quests at hand are intertwined, and frequently involve stuff that the characters, both good and evil excel at, namely, fighting, with weapons, fists and seemingly randomly conjured bursts of eye-excoriating CGI effects. Will our massive bevy of protagonists defeat the massive bevy of antagonists, and therefore prevent the big cataclysmic KERPLAMMO from occurring? I shan’t reveal a thing.
What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: In the realm of anime adapted to live action, the Fullmetal Alchemists are definitely not in the same category as Detective Pikachu. Or Alita: Battle Angel. And even the ambitious failure that was the Scarlett Johansson Ghost in the Shell is more comprehensible than this.
Performance Worth Watching: I managed to almost feel something when Edward finally made his way to the end of this epic plot, so let’s give this accolade to Ryosuke Yamada for finding a teeny sliver of heart amongst the tangle.
Memorable Dialogue: Most OTT anime-based fodder worth its salt has its share of nutty lines that are delicious out of context (and are likely losing something in the Japanese-to-English translation). The absolute gem in this movie: “You must have your hands full just trying to keep God in that body.”
Sex and Skin: None.
Our Take: It is a common occurrence in this series of films that a character pauses to deliver a speech detailing what they are capable of doing, and are going to do right now, before unleashing their seemingly randomly conjured bursts of eye-excoriating CGI effects. It’s then followed by the opposing character pausing to deliver a speech detailing what they are capable of doing, and are going to do right now, before unleashing their seemingly randomly conjured bursts of eye-excoriating CGI effects. Sometimes, the characters fight each other in more conventional ways, that is, with kicks and punches, but that doesn’t happen much, perhaps because it’s too difficult to choreograph, and lord knows not as much effort is put into choreography than into seemingly randomly conjured bursts of eye-excoriating CGI effects.
I risk belaboring the point by pointing out that the characters in this series of films tend to belabor their every point. Theoretically, such belaboring of points should make the plot easier to comprehend, but it doesn’t – and it also renders the flow of action jarringly choppy, like, hey, stop jamming the brakes on the roller coaster, please. Narratively, the story cuts to flashbacks without enough cues to make us realize we’re watching a flashback, so hey, maybe those scenes could use some point-belaboring so we know what’s going on.
Of course, The Final Alchemy is absolutely not at all for the unconverted. For what it’s worth, its predecessor didn’t feature such a dense crunch of characters and storylines, and was easier to comprehend, not that newbies should start there either. I recommend that newbies start somewhere very far away, perhaps with the anime series, perhaps with a nice cup of tea and one of the calmer Studio Ghibli productions. I will say the films have a modestly appealing cheapo-CGI visual aesthetic that captures some of the gonzo vibes of anime, and seems to be making the absolute most of a limited budget.
Our Call: If you’re in for the Fullmetal Alchemist penny, you’re in for the pounding avalanche of this massive storyline condensed into something slightly less massive. You folks will STREAM IT while the rest of the world takes a pass.
John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com.
